Q: WTF is going on with men these days??

So, a guy I gave a chance to text for three weeks did all the right moves (just tooooooo fucking long). He asked me out, he asked for my number. He got me off the dating app. Then… he fucked up… I know you think I’m being too hard but I can’t associate with people who BS me with excuses.
I know for a fact he finishes work at 2:30pm.
I even let my child who is 10 years old know that he will be ringing. Preparing her for the moment I need space to myself to talk to him. She would have to be on her own (when she’s working through her own stuff: separation anxiety).
From 2:30pm… till 8:30pm… then he wants to call me.
He doesn’t get a second chance in my books (I’ve given them out too often that I don’t have anymore).
I got a message from him and he said “Hey! How was your day? I had to fix my charging port on my phone earlier and now just back from the Gym, I was thinking of giving you a call now let me know if the timing suits”
I have values and when it comes to following through with what you say, that’s quality. He didn’t follow through. He made an excuse. Then showed the Jym is more important than his word. Btw, I was asleep by 8:30pm Phone off in the kitchen. So I had no idea he even attempted contact till this morning.
Then he called and asked to catch up for a coffee and he had to cancel as slept in and then has a dentist appointment later. He has asked to reschedule till later in the week.
I’m sticking to my values (I write this as I’m sitting here in the cafe where we were supposed to have our date as I came early to work) and if he can’t do what he says he’s gone.
WTF is going on with men these days?? I’m soo sick of this happening all the time with men.
 

A: Dear I’m the Red Flag.

I had that happen on Tuesday Just pulled out of my driveway about to drive an hour to meet someone and his message came through and had to change plans to Thursday cause shit happens. I didn’t wake up shockingly till nearly 11am this morning cause I was sooo shattered from working a long day today.
You don’t know what happens in others peoples worlds.
We need to learn to let go and be flexible. It has nothing to do with values (I’ve always been miss punctual and reliable blah blah blah). It’s called LIFE!! He’s not ghosting you. He just had stuff on. If your there early doing other stuff that has nothing to do with him.
If you write him off because of ‘life’ getting in the way it’s a massive RED FLAG it is a TRIGGER and has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM! A trigger is something from the PAST that you still haven’t dealt with. You seem to have a shitload of triggers. Stop with the ‘values’ and start looking at what’s important which is every time you are triggered.
Hun your message is Red Flag central!
I find it fascinating that you red flag everyone when you have not taken 5 minutes to step back from yourself and look at all your red flags.
The fact that you have to have words with your child to respect your space and privacy to take a phone call is a MASSIVE Red flag! This shouldn’t even be a conversation needed with your child of that age. It should be a given.
If your child has to be prepped for a phone call how is this going to work for a date…or worse yet if you start dating? No man in his right mind wants to deal with that.
Your daughter is suffering from anxiety. So overtime you’ve prepped your child for you going on a date and you go out and she has an anxiety attack are you gonna drop everything to run back to her? Again, for a man this is a massive Red Flag!
Every time he doesn’t call at the exact time or has to reschedule because shit happens or doesn’t say and do what fits in with your long list of ‘values’ you gonna spit the dummy and Red Flag him and walk away is a HUGE RED FLAG for any man. It’s also called HIGH MAINTENANCE. This is an ugly trait for men and they will avoid that type of woman like the plague.
Picking on a man because he hasn’t spelt a word correctly. WHO FUCKING CARES. Have you never used your voice recorder while your driving and it spelt words incorrectly? I do it all the time. I laugh at those who are all funny about incorrect grammar. WHO FUCKING CARES. You people are your own Red Flags for giving a shit about something that doesn’t bloody matter!
He finishes at 2.30pm. So what? He has got a life. He has other things to do. Sometimes when you think your work da is done it isn’t. Just because he finishes at a certain doesn’t mean the rest is time for you.
Here is the reality…he doesn’t know you yet. He hasn’t met you yet. You are not HIGH on his list of values yet to make a priority. Other things will take priority till then and to be honest you will be the same (hence the jumping to attention when your kid asks you to…this is all single mum’s).
So stop with the analysing and conversation about your values as nine times out of ten if I start digging into them what we think are a value really are not.
Relax!!!! Look at your triggers and remember it has nothing to do with those triggering them and calm the farm.
At this rate you will never end up on a date until you do!


 Q: Living Light

Melina I noticed your minimalism post on Facebook.
I live as a Buddhist minimalist. Total weight on the Earth is under 150kg. Including my body.
I’d like to learn more about your connection to a minimalist life?

A: To Mr Don’t lose anymore weight

Well I know as woman I’d weigh a heck of a lot less than you to start with.
Wow that’s pretty minimal!
My mentality is asking the question
“Do I need this?”
Need is a very different matter to want.
So as I shop if I buy something new I remove something old out of life.
They say if you haven’t worn something in two years get rid of it. Two years is a long time if your still living the same exact lifestyle as last year. So I heard of this great wardrobe trick. Start with all your hangers turned around the wrong way. As you wear something turn the hanger around. Whatever you haven’t turned around after one year…get rid of. Don’t sit there and say things like “oh I might lose weight one day and that will fit me one day”. Or “I must sell that and not give it away for free”. Well either go to a market in the next two weeks or hand it over to a needy friend or stranger like the op shop.
Some hold on to old items and they either collect items in the attic or they are packed away in storage. If it isn’t on display for you to see every single day it’s not important so…get rid of it.
My goal is to be a suitcase entrepreneur. I can’t ever reach this goal if I hold on to everything I own.
Do I need anything?
No
Do I get separation anxiety at the thought of giving all my belongings away?
No
Do I live my entire life like this?
Yes
I cull my so called friends too.
I cull my negative thoughts and patterns all the time.
Being a minimalist doesn’t just come to belongings it also covers emotions, mental thoughts, lifestyle, friendships and those associated around me.
When you hold on to things that aren’t good for you you carry excess weight. Have stress and run several lack of stories.
So when you go minimalist you need to look at more than your actual weight on a scale and look at weight on an invisible level.
When you cull that bullshit out of your life you will be lighter than you could ever imagine.