Q: My wife and I have roleplayed this for months now.
When we go out dancing, she is approached by a lot of men to dance. She will dance with them occasionally. These are often much younger guys. There is usually flirting and just minor touching. Then last weekend, it escalated and the guy she has danced with previously went a little further. He has asked her over and over for her number but she has told him she is married and pointed me out. She told him it was fine to dance though. He asked her if I minded and she told him that it didn’t and i gave him the nod that is was okay. She is 42 years old, very attractive, nice body, he is 22, good looking, well built. They danced for some time and I went to the restroom and for a smoke. When i came back they were heading off the dance floor to our stools to have a drink. I watched as he sat and pulled her back into him. She was not facing him. He began to kiss her neck. Then i watched and he moved a hand up her dress as she was pulled close to him in between his legs. She didn’t move for about a minute then jumped up with look on her face and turned around. He pulled her close and she put her arms around him and he had his hands on her a$$ and was kissing her neck and ears. That basically was the end and later that night we had incredible sex. She admitted that he had F*$!* her and apologized but i told her it was fine. She then told me she is ready if i want her to she will have sex with him. He said it was fine to have me watch. She said to think about it. Do you think i should go for it?
A: Good luck mate!
I can see going pear shaped past. Your wife has taken roleplay to fantasy to fucking without discussing this with you and now wants to bring you in for some more exhibitionism (for her) and voyerism (for you). Flirting is harmless and can create a buzz in your relationship and in the bedroom
That’s not what we have here
This is crossing a dangerous line into affairs and technically cheating since she had sex with this guy BEFORE she told you!
So as I said…good luck chartering the dangerous waters full of many crocodiles
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Q: I’ve been dating this fabulous woman for almost 7 months now.
Things have been amazing so far but I’m starting to feel that something is off. She doesn’t text as often as before, doesn’t come to my place as often, doesn’t initiate intimate gestures as much (holding hands, kissing out of the blue, etc). She seems in general more distant.
Now it could just be that she needs a little personal space because we spent a lot time together lately (full week vacation with the kids) but the most worrisome sign is that she completely stopped saying ILU for the past few days (maybe a week?). We still have great sex but I’m worried.
It’s only her third serious relationship (she’s 42) and I’m afraid that she’s confused about her feelings and it could simply be that the honeymoon period is over. She can’t expect burning passion forever. But maybe that’s her expectation since I seem to be the first one with whoom she’s had a strong passion at first.
I have an anxious attachment style so I obviously I’m expecting the worse. Is there hope? Is it normal for a loved one to stop saying ILY for a while during the honeymoon transition period? Any advice on how I should handle it? I tried to act chill so far but it causes me insomnia which she noticed. I’m planning to talk about it tonight in bed.
A: It can be normal for a relationship to not in the honeymoon phase after a while but it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the relationship.
Also for her to not say ILY in the past few days does not mean i stops loving you. Sometimes the relationship needs space and time to allow the individual to do their own thing and enjoy that time alone (which is healthy to do).
Sounds like you feel insecure about the relationship and needs some validation from her (i.e. her saying ILY). the fact that it causes you insomnia is a bit of a concern for me. Do you trust her and have faith in the relationship? Did you get hurt in the past where you feel like you constantly need some validation? It sounds like her actions trigger some emotions in you and that is something I think you need to work on.
Talking and discussing this topic in bed just gonna guarantee that you both won’t be having sex for sure. I suggest to do it in a neutral place where you both can be calm and relaxed. Have an open and honest conversation about what going on and how you can address any issues that may arise.
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