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Intimacy in your relationship cannot fall back on ‘special occasion sex’, as “this just isn’t enough any more”.
“This is a common scenario, but funnily enough it’s not the men who aren’t satisfied these days, but women aged 50+ who are leaving their husbands in droves, looking for more intimacy and better sex,” says adult intimacy expert Mel Macdonald.
“With intimacy comes communication and trust and all three factors are intertwined and vital to a long-lasting, healthy relationship.”
Ms Macdonald revealed that when intimacy stopped in her marriage, so did all the other factors, leading to a complete breakdown of the relationship.
“The lack of intimacy had more to do with my partner’s issues and was not a direct reflection of our relationship. However, it snowballed into the finality of a divorce,” she said. “All of this can be avoided.”
Ms Macdonald said couples need regular intimacy to stay connected to assist with longevity in their relationship, starting with a few basic points:
• Compliment each other once a day. We all have egos and egos need to be stroked. Small, simple compliments go a long way, such as “you smell great” or “that top really suits you”.
• Greet and part properly. Intimacy isn’t all about sex! Taking a moment to acknowledge your partner will strengthen your emotional intimacy. Simple questions such as “what do you have planned for today?” or “Tell me about your day?” opens the lines of communication and shows your partner that you value listening to what they have to say. And remember, always seal it with a kiss!
• Lock the door! You need to make sure you have no interruptions from kids, mother-in-laws or pets to kill the mood.
• Schedule date night. A lot of couples forget the basis for their relationship after having kids and what made ‘them as a couple’. Taking the effort to organise a night to rekindle this unity is a vital part of the big picture.
• Kiss passionately. One of the most important parts of a relationship is romance and passion. One passionate kiss can change everything. If you forgot how to do this, go borrow yourself a bunch of chick flicks and start taking notes, fellas!
• Create atmosphere in your bedroom fit for purpose. Set up the room to serve its purpose as a place for sleeping and making love. Remove the clutter – and the kids – and add some atmosphere with some lovely aromatic candles.
Ms Macdonald said by taking just a few small steps, you can rekindle most relationships.
Journalist Joe Bloggs agreed with Ms Macdonald, recalling the simple suggestions made by the counsellor in the recently released (take out, not recently released any more) movie Hope Springs. starring Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep, which featured relationships between the over-50s.
And Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Sex Made Easy, says you should always pay attention to the details.
Ms Macdonald has now launched a specialty adult intimacy sex toy website. The site has been designed to remove intimidation, using discretion with education. It features only the best quality products for mature men and women, focussing on making the choices easier. For further information, visit the site at www.taboointimacy.com
Ms Macdonald said she is determined to help lower the number of couples breaking up due to being unsatisfied in the bedroom. She also wants to empower women to reduce the statistics that reveal there are many who have never experienced an orgasm.
Ms Macdonald believes it’s every woman’s right to have a fulfilling sexual experience.
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