Living with a teenager at the best of times is never an easy task. Their hormones are raging; they are constantly being triggered, they are trying to conform and find their power and are constantly feeling judged by their peers, family and other kids.
They feel afraid, misinterpreted, isolated and sometimes out of control as there are so many things they have to discover about themselves.
As a parent, if you haven’t set up strong healthy boundaries from day one, you may find yourself completely out of your depth as how to deal with their mood swings, and feel at times quite helpless.
As a mother to a 14yo daughter, I have been dealt with many tears; as she becomes increasingly challenged to either become invisible or trying to fit into her new class with half of the year 9 popular crowds. Trying to show her true self without being ridiculed, and deep insecurities of not being socially accepted, is something she is spiritually working towards.
Having a mother who works as an International Psychic Medium and Healer, does give her a slight advantage. As issues come up, I ask her to constantly release the beliefs, when her ego tries to convince her she is not worthy. I remind her to look at the higher learning her soul has come to heal and work on, which is primary one of abandonment and needing to be an individual. Once I help her connect into herself a lot more, she is able to shift her thoughts and thus she begins to feel more empowered. Like all of us, it is about self-mastery and exploring who we really are, and not buying into the stories of what others think of us.
Self-worth and self-love as a teenager is an aspect they need constant emotional and spiritual support with. It is vital you empower your child as much as possible at this age. Not speak down to them, honour they actually do still need hugs, kisses and told how much you love them more than ever; however it is going to come back to them, having to do the work inwardly and recognise their own divinity and uniqueness. We tend to push them away at this age as they are seeking so much more independence, yet after working with many teenagers and interacting with them, they all say they just want to know their parents do care and love them. It is important you spend time with them separately to your other children. Even if they shut the door on you and want to chat to their friends on Instagram and Snapchat, they do want to still feel nurtured and taking them out to do something fun is going to keep the line of communication going.
As all parents reading this article may be aware of, the number one thing to consider is communicating to your child and teenager effectively. This means not belittling them in front of friends, betraying their trust and following through with things that you said you would do. If they learn at a young age that you will break promises, they will stop respecting you as a teenager and won’t listen to anything you say. This is because you didn’t keep your word, so they will begin to mimic you as you are the one that teaches them these things. We all know how kids love to overstep our boundaries and they learn to manipulate as young as 3 weeks old, to ensure their survival. Thus, they will do anything they can to get their own way and try to take your power. If you give in to easily, then they see you as the pushover parent and you might be afraid to yell at them, in fear they won’t love you anymore.
If you were not around for important events or emotionally available to them, this sets up programs that you don’t care and they are unlovable. You might believe you are this fantastic parent; however everything they absorb and believe is set up between 0-7 and so everything they learn about love and life is from their home environment, partly genetics and the people around them. So if you are frustrated that your child is not conforming or doing what you want them to, then see this as an opportunity to give them a voice to express themselves and say what they really think of you.
An example of this is with my daughter. We were sitting around last week and out of the blue she started to have a go at me for throwing out her video the Lion King at age 8. I was trying to make a joke out of it at first, yet she still had an emotional charge around it, so I asked her “How did this make you feel?” She said she felt angry that I hadn’t asked her permission and it was my issue, as I felt very sad watching the movie. She then said she felt I didn’t listen to her enough and she wasn’t ready at that time to give up the video. I apologized and told her she was right and that it shouldn’t have happened then she calmed down. We hold onto these types of events as a child and they start to create layers around this same issue of not being heard. This affects our adult life until we finally have a chance to speak our truth and heal.

The last thing I wish to help you with is, allowing and honouring them to speak their truth safely is of utter importance. Even though it may be really painful; perhaps they are saying things you don’t want to hear or doing behind your back, and you may feel disappointed they have lied to you; understand it takes a lot of courage and bravery for a teenager to speak up and say things. This can be a cry for help and them wanting to come clean; knowing on a deep subconscious level they are asking for help, especially if for an example they are taking drugs at parties.
I know your first initial reaction is to lose your cool, scream and yell. Yet it is always going to be better handled with one of the parents they feel they can talk too as to ‘why’ they decided to come clean. Asking open questions and getting all information before you go onto the next phase is impeccable. If they are hanging out with the wrong people and desperately wanting to fit in, then it is always best to get everything out in the open. The next step is to thank them for being so truthful and then working together to find the best outcome for their actions. Once they really know and understand they have to take ownership and be responsible for participating; that they did have other choices available and that you aren’t going to just automatically ground them for months then you may find they will speak more authentically from that moment on.
The conclusion of this article is to really point out that even though teenagers are considered more mature and not children anymore, they are deep down still wanting to be at times; and not have to ‘grow up’ too fast and become adults.
I feel fortunate to be one of the lucky ones; as my daughter is very wise and doesn’t want to go down a path that could have her falling pregnant early and needing to drink alcohol. You can only be their guide and they need to have very firm boundaries that they have to abide too. As they grow and evolve so do you; try not to push them away because it is easier and you think you can’t handle them. Children don’t come with rule books, yet you have it all inside of you to be the best possible ‘life coach’ for your kids. I wish you all the best.
daniela profile 2018
My name is Daniela Birch. I have run a successful business as an International Psychic/Medium/Healer and Spiritual Teacher for the last 20 Years. I am an upcoming author of my first book ‘Soul Mates – Love within the Dark’.
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