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Finally the countries largest study of sexual activity and attitudes, which was released on Friday, has found that Australians have gone for more quality then quantity.
Conclusions by the University of NSW after interviewing more than 200,000 people showed it to be both a great and disappointing report.
This is the second Australian Study of Health and Relationships, and was great as the report founded that Australians are embracing more oral and experimental sex. Contraception methods we being embraced by the younger generation and Australian’s attitudes on promiscuous behaviour are highly consistent with their behaviour of staying sexual only within their regular relationship. Quality is now starting to rule.
Unfortunately figures showed that Australians, even though they are embracing a more open mind (and I believe that would have a lot to do with our change in television viewing and the phenomena created out of the 50 Shades of Grey book), are having sex less frequently.
Australian’s have changed their habits of having sex 1.8 times a week to 1.4.
1.8 times a week to me seemed a statistic known to the average married couple and is generally founded with the conclusion and belief that we have a more hectic lifestyle, but can we really put our reduction to this change?
Commonly people complain of living hectic and stressful lifestyles even though are drastic change in technology has removed that stress. Depression statistics have been on the rise and divorce rates have increased with it. The Richter’s report however covered one specific section I found fascinating on ‘sexual difficulty’.
So lets dig a little deeper into this portion of the survey for a moment. Professor Juliet Richter and her team has founded a few statistics that are shocking on one hand, and a common complaint I hear within many of my focus groups and workshops conducted, lack of interest.
Lack of interest took the top vote with a staggering 24.9% men, 54.8% women. Now, I hear this complaint a lot however the next statistic has a lot to do with this lack of interest. I believe this next statistic is why we have a decline in sex in our population, lack of orgasm.
Richter’s study reported “women were more likely that men to report being unable to come to orgasm, 28.6% vs. 6.3%”. That is a staggering statistic is unnecessary with todays Internet education.
I hear people complain about accessibility of porn today via the Internet. It does pose its issues offering a skewed perception of what ‘intimate sex’ looks like, however it is a great educational tool to learn how to perform a variety of sexual acts or how to expand your repertoire. So why are women still unsatisfied?
Now even though 27.3% of women complained of not finding sex pleasurable or 20.3% experienced pain during intercourse, it’s two other statistics I believe we should be focusing on to increase our connection with sex.
35.9% of women worry about their body image during sex in comparison to only 14.2% of men. “Men don’t care what you look like. They are just happy that they are allowed to touch you!” This is a common theme sung by men I come across. They love women and love their bodies. If anything, they feel exhilarated and even more turned on when they come across a woman who will leave the lights on during sex.
This ‘body image’ is a disturbing fact. Granted over the years we have been pumped by the media with images of what we thought were picture perfect bodies. But tabloids have had a field day sneaking around trying to get that hidden snap of the real model, actress or celebrity with their everyday ‘normal’ look. Show all their lumps and bumps with no digital or airbrush amendments. No makeup and hair done and looking even more average then the average woman! With this ‘raw’ imagery spread all over the media why are women still so paranoid about their bodies and ruled by it?
With 28.6% of women saying they cannot orgasm during sex then how is it that only 35% of women vs. the 65% of men have masturbated in the last year as per Richter’s.
Lets look at it from another perspective, 93.7% of men are saying they can orgasm during sex. Men masturbate more then women. This study showed that clearly with figures doubling the women’s. Masturbation allows men to know their bodies better.
Now we know that a woman’s body is more complicated and every woman’s erogenous zones in the vaginal area work in different ways. But with 10 different kinds of orgasms possible for women as per Lou Paget, sex educator and author of “Orgasms How to have them, give them, and keep them coming”, why are women still complaining of not having them?
This is my favourite statement I use constantly,
“If your not having sex with yourself, how do you expect anyone else to have sex with you?”
Masturbation allows a woman to know what turns her on. How to experience different kids of orgasms and most of all how to direct her partner to find her ‘sweet spots’. I mean our vaginas don’t come with a manual ladies!
With major Intimate Lifestyle Product manufacturer, Lelo showing reports that 40% of women own a vibrator, why have studies shown that only 14% of Australian women are actually owning one today.
Unfortunately porn and sex shops only promote adult toys to give a ‘guaranteed orgasm’ however it can be used as a tool to better ‘connect’ with yourself or someone else. “This is how I promote my Intimate Lifestyle Range”.
When a toy is introduced to the bedroom it not only increases the sense of adventure and trust, but the quality and duration of sex is improved and most importantly the communication.
When I come across men of a more mature age I found sex toys seemed to be a threat to their masculinity, “They believed that they were being ‘replaced’”.
Once I explain that there are amazing ‘couples’ toys’ on the market allowing him to not only satisfy his partner more, but keep ‘control’ thanks to the remotes provided, I found they would relax and ask “How much?”
Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist and author of She Comes First states, “A large majority of women don’t orgasm consistently from intercourse alone, but when you add a sex toy or manual or oral stimulation—what I call ‘intercourse plus’— the statistics kind of flip on their heads.”
Now I haven’t even covered the long list of health benefits on experiencing an orgasm let alone how this denial of pleasure is connected to weight gain here. That’s for a whole other article.
So its time to remove the taboo around sex, toys and experimentation. Start masturbating or start doing it more often so you know how to please yourself and communicate that to your partner so you have the best excuse to start having sex more. Open that door to greater reasons to get naked by simply loving yourself ladies, seriously.
Once you have done this, Go Forth and Fornicate more!
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Melina Macdonald
Intimacy & Adult Prodct Lifestyle Eduactor , Author, Speaker, Dating & Sex Expert loveandindulgence.com.au