Mr. Flip Flop Diaries
The how many positions can we possible try in one sex session
The man that constantly keeps pulling it out so he doesn’t cum too quick
Oh…that’s it. Was I supposed to be remotely satisfied at all?
Mr. Speedy Gonzalas
Ummmm I think you just broke the record for fastest cum session
This involves the kiss kiss, twist twist of nipples, tap tap of vag. You ready?
When he demands you to stare into his eyes…the entire sex sessions especially when you are going to orgams
The 3 course meal served in one sitting of 1-2hrs deep diving chew-you-out fest
Mr. Cheese grater
When you have had him pumping you for soo many hours in one session that your insides are rubbed raw and feel like they are slowly being ripped apart
Mr. Slip Slop Slap
When the fluids get out of control, friction no longer exists and your sexual space has turned into a slippery slide attached to a pool
When he attempts to try sexting and each sentence turns into visual experience that feels awkward, fumbly and clunky like it would in reality
If you thought it was bad when your called the ex’s name, try it when he starts screaming at you mid stride names like whore, slut, mommy!
When you’ve been tied up so well that you both realise there is no escape, you are stuck and you need to be cut out! Help!!
Mr. Whoopsie Daisy
WTF! How do you slip it into the wrong hole??!!
Mr. Crooked Lines
He has it in his sites…lines it up for the shot…goes to ram it in and…BOOM…misses and hits your tight ass so hard that he breaks his dick!
Now I’m all for a good facial but ask permission first fellas! Not all of us are up for your solution for a sore throat, hair gel and great solution to clear your skin.
Gymnastics in the bedroom is my forte but when you’ve twisted yourself like a pretzel and the cramping kicks in to your butt, thigh and/or calf welcome the new version of a contortionist!
It’s hard to concentrate when you notice your in an indoor rain storm! How…I’m serious…how can someone sweat that much from minimal exertion in a cold room??!! This is when you know its time to get on top.
I love a dick like any girl and sucking it like your favourite lollypop can be a joy like no other but I warn you now, don’t touch the fucking head! There is nothing worse then having a dick shoved down your throat so deep and hard that you gag for air. What part of that is sexy??
Its hard, its soft, its hard, its soft, its hard, its soft…OMFG its like turning a light switch on and off a hundred times! Now this is when skill ladies is a must! Might I add patience too. Men stop drinking, drugs, porn and thinking of your grandma when your trying to satisfy a woman.
Mr. Dry Paint
Have you ever has such boring sex that it was like watching paint dry? You ever had those times when you decide to eat a snack, read a book or even watch TV smack bang in the middle of a shag. These days I have learned when I’m over it, roll over, grab the base of his penis firmly and it will all be over in 2-3 minutes ☺
Intimacy & Adult Product Lifestyle Educator, Author, Speaker, Dating, Sex, Love & Intimacy Expert