Q: I met this really great guy 8 months ago.
We have been dating exclusively ever since we met. He is lovely and sweet and we really click. I really tried to take things slow but I do want to know where I stand and whether I am in fact wasting my time. He had recently come out of a three and a half year relationship before he had met me.
He has stated before that he is unsure if he is ready to commit to something so serious and that he didnt expect to meet someone like me so soon after his breakup. At the time I said that was ok but that I wanted to end this and meet someone who could commit to me.
A week later he said he didnt want to lose me but needs to take things slow. Its been another three months now. I have met all of his friends and some of his family but there is still no commitment.
I genuinely feel like he is holding back from me. I only receive a text once or twice a week and we meet up once a week. The fact that he is so distant hurts me, I suppose I want someone I can depend on and essentially fall in love with.
I could easily fall in love with him. But any time I try to bring up the issue of what we are he says we will talk about it at a later date.
But basically my questions are: 1) Am I being unfair by wanting a ‘label’ of some sort? 2) Really am I rushing this? It has only been 7 months? 3) Should I just cut my losses and try find someone who is looking for the same level of commitment that I have to offer?
Thanks in advance
A: 1) yes
3) you are forgetting to ‘date’!
You are trying to relationship in dating
That means you are forgetting the whole fun part of dating and jumping straight in to a relationship before it’s even necessary
Dating should be about dancing in the loungeroom, laughter, still not essentially being Velcro babies. This man has already introduced you to his family and friends in 7months. That’s frickin huge!! Especially after coming out a long term relationship
Stop trying to label this relationship for your own insecurities and start enjoying all the amazing ways he has already shown you he is way interested and start just having fun with him:)
Q: We broke up a year ago.
We had a great 4 months relationship. For me it was a sudden thing that happened. We had little fights before and suddenly one day he said we are breaking up. Well i cried and all that stuff happened. But after a year also i have not been able to move on from him. I know that he is never gonna come back. We can meet we can talk but being in a relationship again is not going to happen. Then too my mind keeps thinking about him and i feel like am sad all the time wanting him back. So how to move on? And i had received gifts from him when we were in a relationship but i never got chance in 4 months time to gift him back so i feel i have taken too much from him and have not given him back so what to do of that should i buy him some new gifts or give old one back or what else?
All he has to say is everything was right in our relationship except time and i don’t know what to say.
A: You need to find a way to move on.
Forget the gifts. It’s been a year since the break up. Don’t worry about them. You’re trying to use them to convince yourself that a relationship is still viable. It isn’t. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need to hear the truth to allow you to move on.
Moving on can be difficult, but you have to give it your best shot and use discipline as well as emotional processing to be successful. For instance, balance keeping busy and dating other people with understanding that you only dated for four months and that’s the amount of time people use to decide if they want to continue dating each other or not, and his wanting to move on during that time period is very normal. When you date someone you should always understand that just because you’re crazy about them doesn’t mean they feel the same way, and you have to adjust your expectations accordingly. This is all a learning experience and you can use it to date smart, this next time around. But do move on. It’s been a year since the break up after a four month dating relationship. It’s time.
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