Q: The annoying dating approach
I have had someone approach me within a private Facebook group and ask me out. I said no. Then he has a few times sent me a private message via messenger and asked me out and he also saw me on a dating app and then sent me a message. I swiped left, which means I am NOT interested.
On a recent post within the group he made comments again inline with being interested in me and I cracked it in writing on the group message at him saying I felt it was inappropriate and he needs to stop!
I copped some backlash of some of the other people in the group saying I was too harsh but I find his behaviour uncomfortable. When I say no he needs to stop.
Why am I copping backlash?
A: Dear I’ve had enough of being chased
Once I had a man find me on Facebook Messenger and he decided to skip the queue and go direct ad tell me that he desired to connect as I ‘looked’ like a nice person via my images on my profile. The funny part was I had not only matched with him 4 months prior on another app, we had even had a phone conversation and had attempted to do a meet and greet. I saw attempted as I pulled the pin when he changed the time and location to after dark and a walk on the beach. No F*cking way was that going to happen. I expressed that I was not comfortable with that and made alternate suggestions. When he started with his tangent of “I not a rapist or stalker” my ears pricked up mighty fast. Those that scream the loudest are what the deny to be. So I cancelled our meet up and he….LOST HIS SHIT! He spat out a string of vile comments and I thanked my intuition for knowing better. THIS WAS THE SAME BLOODY MAN with obvious amnesia. So I screenshot our previous convo and asked if he had anything further to add? He advised that me not wanting to meet after dark on the beach was perfectly fine. Then two sentences later (I know how to find someone’s triggers and ‘real’ them quickly) he sent a CAPITAL letters message saying he hoped I meet someone who rapes me etc. etc.
Now this is bat shit Cray Cray behaviour. I had all right to lose my shit at this man. However did I? No. I never bothered to respond and have seen his face pop up many times since on dating apps with a profile that reads the complete opposite to who he really is.
Here is the deal…Most women blow stuff sooooooo far out of proportion its ridiculous!
So he compliments you…big deal
So he asks you out more than once…big deal
So he says your hot…big deal
Sometimes a man’s comment can be just that…a comment or even banter.
How you respond determines where you are at.
THE PROBLEM IS NEVER THE PROBLEM
This is a game of PERSPECTIVE.
Most of us are responding based on out fear, ego, shame or guilt. Reality is your probably thinking about things that don’t matter.
Personally being asked out a few times is a compliment so think about that before you go on your hyped up rant or #metoo victim mentality. Men are petrified to ask women out these days so if this man asks you more than once then he really sees something worth vying for.
Q: Do I have a Superiority Complex?
My sister says I have a ‘Superiority Complex’, that I am superficial, high maintenance. I don’t believe I am. I will only ask a woman out who dress appropriately. It shows me that they care about they look like and have pride in themselves. I like them to be of a small body frame, have a decent job and dress to impress…all the time. I’ve tried various methods of meeting people however I have not dated for someone for 6 months. Do you believe I’m high maintenance?
**Disclosure: this is a discussion at a Speed dating event I facilitated
A: Dear You are Superficially Blinded
You have ticked NO boxes to go on a date during this speed dating. You have dressed better then you would when you go to your normal daily job not taken into account that a majority of people here would have come straight from work. You have told me I’m the only person who would ask out due to, and only to…my appearance. That is highly shallow and superficial. You are judging a book by its cover. You have shown me a series of pictures of yourself in suits (your obviously in the wrong job as a Government employee will rarely have this opportunity).
The reality is we normally meet our partners via someone we know. A coffee date is a stepping stone in the dating process. Think of dating as the journey to cross a river. There is a pile of boulders of all sizes in that river and your goal is to step on each one to get to the other side. They’re are small ones (these represent short relationships, big boulders (these are long lovers) and medium sized ones.
You will never cross the river and find you Miss Right for Right Now if you never dip your toe into the water. Turning up to a speed dating is not quite frankly good enough. You might as well stay home in your tracksuit on your couch and continue to swipe left and right!
You desire to meet someone, then actually go past the initial visual presentation and give someone a go…unless you’re only looking for a trophy wife.
And P.S. those women you sooo desire, wait till you see them one day without their hair and makeup all done to the 9’s and out of their designer clothes. Boy oh Boy your gonna get a shock!
** If you would like to see my video on this topic then watch here