Remember that song by American comedy troupe The Lonely Island, featuring singer Justin Timberlake, ‘Dick In A Box’?  It debuted on the show Saturday Night Live in 2006. I was in my late twenties and didn’t really understand the humour.  I hadn’t experienced what it was like for a man wanting to stick his dick into everything.  I always had relationships with men who respected my sexual boundaries.  Until the swipe right notion came along, a decade later, I totally get the song!

If it’s not dicks in a woman’s face when least expecting it, it’s dick pics without asking for them.  Again, I haven’t experienced this to the extend of my what my friends have. But I do know this, waking up in the morning to a shiny pink knob isn’t the perfect way to start the day. 


So, I started to wonder.  If guys want to put their dick in a box, add a bow and send it to women as a gift, what did they expect women to do with it?  It’s obvious, but, before she’s going to take a mouthful, how about putting that energy into filling her heart?

For a woman to open up sexually, a way to her heart is through her emotions. “Treat her like a Queen.” Serve her.  This is when knowing the 5 Love Languages come in to play.

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Physical Touch
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Acts of Service

A way to know which love language you are most dominant in is to look at how you love to serve others.  The top two out of the five will be your love language.

Author, Gary Chapman, has written a book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, explaining each love language in full detail with a questionnaire to help you discover your partners and your own.

5 love languages

5 love languages graph

A man may connect with a woman’s heart energy by taking out the rubbish, giving her a non sexual massage, being in the same room when studying, coming home with flowers or expressing his love for her.  Physically, he can take care of his bits and learn how to self-groom.

Though, this isn’t a man’s strong point.  When looking at the yin and yang of men and women, the positive and negative points are completely different. A man’s positive is his groin, where the negative point is his heart.  A woman’s positive is her heart point and her groin is the negative.  Complete polar opposites. 


A way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach.  All those years, I got it wrong.  Put the cooking utensils down, Lisa!  Being a great cook or homemaker is not what reaches deep into his heart.  It’s through his groin where he wants a woman to connect with him.  Catherine Lyell, the expert of Integrated Men’s Health Solutions, explains this in her e-book, “What Your Mates Don’t Tell You About Porn”, with the knowledge of why men think with their dick.  It’s actually a man’s way to heal trauma and stress, by releasing.  

skin to skin“The heart will open because healing through touch and intimacy has occurred”, says Catherine.

On a physical level, sex heals the body.  It improves cardiovascular health. A study says men having sex more than twice a week, have a lesser risk of getting a heart attack, than men who have sex less than once a month. Your heart rate increases, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. Used blood is removed and the body expels toxins that cause you to feel tiered. That is why you feel rejuvenated after a banging session.

An article I wrote, Sex: Nature’s Way To Heal Kidneys, shares a scientific study proving men having sex three to four times a week helps pass kidney stones through the urethra. 

Feeling a cold coming on? Regular love making increases immunity, making the body stronger against illness and conditions.  A hormone called dehydroepiandrosterone, aka The Youth Elixir hormone, is released when having an orgasm.  This also repairs tissue and keeps the skin healthy.  The hormone testosterone is what makes men feel more passionate in the sack, it also improves muscles, bones and keeps a check on cholesterol. 

the way to a mans heart intimacy

To feel alert and mentally clear, love making improves overall health.  If you’re wanting a good nights sleep, consider sex as a full-body workout, 30 minutes burns more than 80 calories.  Following the 24 hour chi cycle (Traditional Chinese Medicine), working out between 5am and 7am will burn 300 times more fat compared to any other part of the day.  You can get two workouts done without leaving the bed.

Got a headache?  Using an excuse like that is a myth!  When you’re about to have an orgasm, the level of the hormone oxytocin increases by five times.  This endorphin release reduces aches and pains.

On an emotional level, feeling stressed out with work or family shouldn’t get in the way of your bedroom performance. A study says people who indulge in regular bedroom activities can handle stress better and are happier people. 


All this information is wonderful, though, if it’s not done with love, the man continues to look for more ways to release, hence wanting to stick his dick in everything!  Catherine says it perfectly calling the release, “The Demon Seed”.

Women don’t want men releasing their baggage inside of them.  When a man feels as if a woman has turned him down, her love language may not have been met.  If a man doesn’t put effort into serving her, speaking to her heart, nurturing her emotions, how the bloody hell can she serve him!  That’s not a question, I’m making a statement.  Women can’t wholeheartedly serve helpless men.  Women can try, and boy have I got a few relationship stories to tell, but the truth is, a wounded man can only heal when his heart (love centre) is open and to get there he needs to release through touch, that’s when the process of healing begins.  Not through porn!  It’s become the norm, the easy way out, it actually doesn’t release emotions.  Porn makes men addicted.  It disconnects them from their hearts and they become lopsided, imbalanced.  Only sex with the feminine heals through an exchange of energy.

To get more action out of a woman, she also needs to heal.  Releasing for her is through her emotions before she lets herself completely go during an orgasm. 


“Women need to feel loved, protected and secure, and also need to release through talking and asking questions”, Catherine explains how communication is the best way to begin a woman’s healing journey.  Women have a natural need to open up and talk about everything, and it’s not necessarily needing to be directed to the partner.  She can speak with her friends, her work colleagues and other communities.   She’ll improve her overall health, feel connected and want to work with a man in building a beautiful sexual relationship. 

With each release, the man and the woman can both feel deeply connected and heal together.  This is ultimately what men want.

Lisa Jane

Based in the northern area of Melbourne, Australia, Lisa Jane is an aspiring humanitarian, with her magnetic smile and charismatic nature, she educates and entertains with her stories bringing balance to any life experience.

Lisa Jane hosts a quirky podcast show with life mentors a-like making sense of what it means to be a parent, partner and lover in modern society whilst staying true to yourself.

Lisa Jane has a workshop; Retreat with Lisa Jane, both online and live.  She bridges the gap between Science and Beauty.  With hands-on activities, simple strategies and techniques that helped her to get to where she is today; she shares with you a way you can get to where you want to be too.  She never forgets self-care, so with that in mind, once you step into her workshop retreat, you are taken care of as if you are a guest in her own home.

A woman born in the dark ages, now shining bright guiding you into the light years, Lisa Jane hopes you enjoy this article as much as she has enjoyed writing it.

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