When we fall in love and decide on our life long partner, never do we think, it could one day fall apart. Leaving us heartbroken, vulnerable and feeling alone. I remember once going to my clairvoyant, as l was always looking for answers to why my universe didn’t feel aligned. Sitting opposite me, she explained how she knew her husband would one day cheat on her yet she still married him. I found this interesting given her ability to prevent the pain associated with his betrayal. Instead, she spent 11 years with him and had two children. When l questioned her choices and queried WHY she answered directly.
I would not be the person l am today nor would l have two beautiful children, if we did not get married. She went on to explain, they had many wonderful times, and she was filled with love when she recalled the memories. If we had a crystal ball and knew the unfortuate outcomes of our actions, would we still take them? And how on earth was my clairvoyant not jealous, watching her husband’s every move and not always suspi- cious of what he told her? Easy, she had no expectations. She knew he would one day let her down. They are no longer married because she could not accept his infidelity. But at the time, she was happy and moving on with her life.
This encounter happened just before l left my first husband, 6 years ago and I have thought about it often. What made her so resilient to the pain associated with her marriage breakdown? Was it, that she knew it would happen and had prepared herself? And how did she trust him? Aren’t marriages built on trust? Obviously, being able to see the future maybe she knew when it would happen, so she didn’t need to worry until the time was upon her.
She did, however, say it still hurt and caused upset to the family. This has lead me to question why some people are able to continue living and can move on after a divorce when others seem to give up and hate the opposite sex forever?
They are bitter and twisted by their experience. Dealing with clients every day, l have seen a common thread. The individuals who take responsibility for their relationship breakup normally are the same individuals who are resilient. What does that mean? They take ownership and are forgiving. They looked deep into themselves and their actions and realise what they had done to enable their partner’s behaviours and how they can prevent the same mistake in the future.
For instance, my clairvoyant explained how she lost interest and become obsessed with her own needs. Leaving her husband feeling unloved and lonely. What he did was wrong but rather than discuss his feelings he went looking for what was lacking in his relationship. Someone else showed him that he was important, in whatever way he felt empty in his marriage…..that being sex and physical touch.
It is important for a successful relationship to always fulfil your partner’s needs and visa verse. Knowing what those needs are can sometimes take years and having two people committed. But those keys are the triggers to keeping your marriage alive and well. Communicating what is important in your relation-ship is the foundation, and unlike my clairvoyant, we can’t all see our future.
Divorce Expert and Author of ‘The Jelly Bean Jar’ – Empowering Independence