1. IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WANT
It’s extremely important to work out exactly what you are looking for before you begin on the dating train. Are you looking for a hook-up, someone just to hang with, someone to go out on dates with or that longevity of marriage? This is a vital component on getting it right.
Part of working this out is to also identify your ‘values’. Work out what they are when it comes to
- Business/career
- Wealth
- Lifestyle
- Romantic relationships
- Personal goals and achievemnt
- Friends and family
- Health
- Spirituality
- Contribution and giving back
Most people don’t know consciously what their values are. Your values identify the things that are truly important in your life. My recommendation is that you start today and spend sometime working these out. Then start living to reflect them. When you do, you will have a better knowledge of yourself, and what kind of a partner would really complement your life. Without this information it will be an endless search. In-fact your highest values is the key to longevity in a relationship. Like attracts like.
2. DITCH THE CHECKLIST FOR A NON-NEGOTIABLES LIST
Accept the fact that modern-day society, due to the advancement of technology and our embracing women’s liberation, has transformed the needs and relationship styles. It’s imperative to reassess your ‘checklist ’and focus more on your non-negotiable list (which are the things that you can’t live without – your deal breakers). Kids, marriage, loyalty etc are amongst the things that you need to thing about. Many people enter a relationship compromising their values and their non-negotiables to later regret those decisions. Ditch the checklist and only have a ‘non-negotiables’ list. This should be short and sweet.
3. WORK ON YOUR ISSUES FIRST
We hear commonly that there are no good guys or girls out there anymore. If your dates always seem to finish with the same bad taste in your mouth or all…suck – well you need to look at what/who is the common denominator in all those dates?? That right, it’s YOU! If you don’t work on your issues/baggage you will continue to carry these issues into a new relationship and repeat the same pattern. Which bring me to point no. 4:
4. WORK OUT YOUR DATING PATTERNS
All too many times we come across two main issues, women are attracted to the ‘bad boy’ commonly expressed as Mr Adventure and unfortunately longevity does not come with this package deal. You may find the thrill in dating this type of guy but that’s probably all there is. Often the ‘bad boy’ attraction is often a result of childhood issue with parents and that’s something that needs to be addressed and dealt with.
With the men they are attracted to the Alpha Female however they themselves are the opposite. The confidence these women exude is like an intoxicating drug but these women in the long run will never respect you if you don’t step up and grow a pair and take the Kings throne.
5. CHOOSE YOUR PROFILE IMAGES CORRECTLY
You get 3 seconds to impress!!! That’s it. So put your best version (not fake photoshoped version) of you out there. Show a good clear head and shoulders picture. Show your eyes and smile showing your teeth. No hats, no mates, no toys of any kind (bikes, cars etc.), no booze, no sunglasses, no mates. Your first image needs to be just you smiling.
After the first pic you can add a group photo, a formal image at an event, a funny pic that will be sure to make someone laugh or smile and more close-ups. Keep it simple but don’t make it a running theme of you drinking in every photo or with the opposite sex in every photo and definitely no private anatomy shots or photos from years ago. Keep it current in the last year, two maximum and under no circumstances put images of your kids.
Here is the reality “No-one falls in love with your personality at first sight!” so when it comes to adding a blurb keep it short and sweet. No essays. Just remember, half the time, when you think your being witty with a phrase from a poem, a potential suitor wont think so or understand where you are coming from and you may have blown your chance, so just don’t write it. Put the best version of you out there.
5. CHOOSE THE RIGHT DATING PLATFORM FOR YOU
There are so many dating platforms today and each has their own place. You need to identify what format of dating best suits you at different stages of your life. Are you looking for:
- that simple playmate? Apps like Tinder, Bumble or Plenty of Fish would be a great platform to start
- looking to sexually explore? Then head over to redhotpie or adultfriendfinder.com?
- wanting to try a different flavour on the international sites? Then cupidmedia.com and zoosk.com will work
- looking to get back into dating? I suggest for those on the shy side try speed-dating and rsvp.com is great
- looking for a serious relationship where matchmaking agencies can lend a helping hand from online with eHarmony to the professionals at twoscompany.com.au
- Perfect for those who need a companion for an event or are just trying to ‘get back into the saddle’ after a long term or even an abusive relationship escort agencies are highly recommended! I highly recommend checking out aphrodisiacmaleescorts.com.au
Work out where you are at which the above steps will help with and choose a few platforms that fit into this and enjoy the ride.
6. HOW TO START A CONVERSATION WHETHER ONLINE OR FACE-TO-FACE
There seems to be an art to starting a conversation and we are ALL nervous about screwing it up and ending up on the crash and burn pile! If you are online and needing to start a conversation, our suggestion is to find something within one of the persons images to comment on…and make it a positive one. Great icebreaker.
If you are out and about this is my favourite by far for the men to use. Girls tend to hang in flocks and there is always the wing women so approach the group and do not face the woman you are interested in, instead stand beside her and focus your attention on the wing-woman. Make it a relaxed conversation asking what the girls think of the place etc. When they talk lean forward and place the palm of your hand gently on the middle ‘small’ part of the back of the woman you are interested in. Physical contact when done subtly trumps conversation any day. Touch releases testosterone and oestrogen which is the sex hormones. Flirting can also do this. So no corny pick-up lines, no pulling the person out of their comfort zone (being her friends) and no negative comments towards the wing-woman. She is you key to success. Impress her and she will happily send her friend off with you!
7. PLAY SAFE
As a rule I never suggest handing over your phone number as with these digits I can stalk you online and find out everything I need to know a majority of time in 15 minutes. Regardless, until you know the person it’s a safer method to follow. Instead download the app KIK and create a generic name for yourself that has nil relevance to any nicknames or social media names you may have floating around. Start chatting on that platform. Organise to meet face-to-face and only after then hand over your number.
If you decide to go for the quick hook-up make sure you message a friend the address and name of who you are meeting and a time in which you need to check in by. I know it sounds over the top but crazy things can happen when your with a stranger
8. DON’T BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR YOUR 1ST DATE
This one cracks us up. I mean, they have never met you before so they have never seen your wardrobe before. So wear something comfortable and try not to overdress (too many women do this) but dress appropriately for the style of date you have organised.
9. GET THE DATING LOCATION RIGHT
First time you meet keep it simple, keep it during the day. Keep it where a timeframe has to be locked in (you have other plans afterwards). Far too many times people go straight for the dinner date. The guy pays and then the girl thinks she now is obligated to have sex with them. If you don’t have that on your agenda then don’t put yourself in this situation and instead organise a coffee date during the day.
If you both have a common interest, like jogging, maybe organise a morning jog together. These walking and running dates take the edge off as your not staring into each others eyes and are heaps of fun.
10. DON’T JUST TALK ABOUT YOU
It’s important to show interest and be curious about the other person. Make sure you ask open ended questions and be active in the conversation. Be open and be present in your conversations. Turn off your phone as nothing is more off putting than someone constantly looking at their phone. I have been on dates that went for hours and sadly the uber driver knew more then me in just the five minute ride home (and asked for a date lol)! Let’s just say that I never invested anymore time with this guy as it was all about him, oh and I said no to the under driver too 😉
Learn how to transform your dating life & attract a high quality man you deserve on our online course ”Dating Masterclass For The Modern Woman”
Melina Macdonald
Intimacy & Adult Product Lifestyle Educator, Author, Speaker Dating & Sex, Love & Intimacy Expert www.sacredpotential.com
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