There was a time I feared the Dark so much I couldn’t even sit in the dark and just and be with myself. Terrified of the void and emptiness that I felt at times. Avoiding all that made me uncomfortable only showing people my lighter side. Retreating and running away. in times of confusion or numbness. In fear that no one would love the darker parts of me, I denied these parts even existed and this only fed the dysfunction, amplifying my suffering. What I resisted, persisted. Until one day the mess got too big to deny.
Reluctantly, I knew I had stop playing the victim game and take responsibility for everything in my life. I had to be accountable that which we refuse to confront or face about ourselves only gets louder and louder. So we face it, for it too once to be healed. But if we don’t face it, no healing happens. Our shame and guilt keep us trapped.
Vulnerability is your greatest weapon. Once you own that which you fear the most no one can ever use it against you. There is no power in denying parts of yourself. The weakest areas in my life always reflected the shadow lurking behind. One day, I got tired of running. Feeling up against a wall with no were to hide but to turn and look at my shadows to simply just be aware and witness them first.
I wont lie it was the most uncomfortable time of my life but the more I didnt judge and stayed in my heart something started to happen. To my surprise a gifts emerged out of the darkness, one by one my shadows they seemed to vanish. All they wanted from me was my acknowledgment, loving awareness and presence. They too wanted to emerge into the light. They too wanted to transform to a higher expression.
They too felt trapped and stuck as shadow aspects. But because of my denial of them, they kept showing up in my outer world, relationships and experiences. In their place I inner allies emerged, I found a strength I never knew I had. There was more space in my body and being for more light. Humbled by this experience, my capacity to LOVE grew more. I felt more connected than ever before to all that is.
Now I truly understand there is both darkness and light within everything in creation. We cannot transform the darkness by avoiding it.
Courage, Humility and Patience is required to learn to love all of you. So you can be of the greatest service to all that it is.
Nehanda Yemaya Rusere Healer, Coach,Visionary, Art Model , Dancer, Storyteller and teacher of the Mystical