By  Tracy Louise
Let’s Look at The Forbidden, Swinging and Infidelity.
The Forbidden
In the 1970s and 1980s, we had the works of Father Andrew Greeley and Colleen McCullough with their tormented men of the cloth.   What is more sexually frustrating than something you cannot have?  Someone else’s wife/boyfriend/daughter – Priest!   … What is more sexually exhilarating than taking something/someone that is not yours and that you are not allowed to have.
In our fantasies we may seduce, manipulate or overpower someone that in reality is unattainable. Who is more ‘unattainable’ than a priest; married to God, to the cloth, celibate, governed by a vow of celibacy. Surely this would be the greatest prize! Wouldn’t that make you more desirable than GOD himself?  Of course, this would not be a conscious thought, otherwise I’m sure scrabbling for one’s clothes would ensue.  Another very popular taboo fantasy is taking something that is not yours, and the highest points of unattainable go to men of the cloth.
Now, something that is still unattainable and out of bounds but may not have you struck down by lightening is your friend’s wife, your husbands secretary, your wife’s sister.  Really?  Yes!!  I have a girlfriend who is not interested in any available guy, but slathers at the mouth at those which are ‘taken’.  She is or was one of ‘those’ women, you know, stunningly beautiful, smart, independent and oh shit… Single!   And she’s on a mission…. Hide your husband!  The best way to overcome my friend’s desire for the married unattainable guy was to offer him freely but that is another story altogether!
We are still in fantasy don’t forget!  How arousing is taking something that is not yours, the power of having something, knowing something, only you know.  Here is another very popular fantasy.  Have a look at your friends list right now and wonder – just how many people are fantasizing about ‘taking’ you!
As we wind our way through the treacherous landscape of taboo fantasy we now arrive to the swinging scene. What is taboo to one person of course, may well be an everyday occurrence to another.  
The people we know or interviewed from within the swinging scene were fun, open, honest.  They knew exactly what they wanted and how to ask for it.  I was surprised at their openness and willingness to talk of their experiences.  I was of the impression that swinging would split up a relationship, however I was about to learn of many long-term relationships thriving within the swinging scene and many others that had gone by the wayside.  When I asked if swinging was to blame they were very quick to point out that swinging will take the slightest crack in any relationship, expose and expand it.  An inability to be honest with yourself and others is a dagger in the heart of any relationship.  Self-honesty is paramount.   However, if you are able to rejoice in your partner’s pleasure without having to own it, if you are open to try new experiences with each other, if you would like a varied and busy social life.  Swinging maybe for you.
How does this work into fantasy?  Another very popular fantasy is participating in group sex, same sex, or sex with someone else’s partner.  Therefore, a swinging scene fantasy just about covers all bases.
Trying to make fantasy into reality 
Fantasy is borne from the imagination, taking past experience, future wanted experience, arousing readings, television images, movie scenes etc. and moulding a scene that arouses you, possibly to orgasmic proportions.  This snippet of information is like a fingerprint, unique to you.  Another person is unlikely to find your specific design or colour of underwear quite as specifically erotic as you do.   Fantasies are generally short, specific and any detour from the ideal can be a real turn off.  More often than not, it is reported that any attempt to turn fantasy into reality results in not only the loss of that particular fantasy, but also a deadening of the overall concept.  Instead, try creating new fantasies from every reality – who knows what intricate, intoxicating fantasy you could manifest?
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Tracey Louise
Director / Principle Sexological Body-Worker & Somatic SexEducator
Tracy has over 15 years experience in spiritual healing, body awareness, behavioural cognitive therapy (primarily in the area of addiction), co-dependency behaviour and sexual dysfunction. She has studied Bsc. Mind & Body medicine, Tantra, Reiki, Shiatsu massage and is Certified in Sexological bodywork and Somatic sex education.
Tracy is passionate about assisting people with intimacy and sexuality issues. She has a caring and compassionate disposition, is open and honest and creates an environment that nurtures with no judgement.
Tracy also studied Certificate IV in training and assessment which allows her to share her knowledge with others and holds regular workshops on a range of topics. Please see our Workshops for more information.
Tracy is a fully qualified and Certified Sexological Bodyworker and Massage Therapist.
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