I am a mother of two daughters a 17 year old and 12 year old, and for many years I had held on to the guilt within me for the not so perfect marriage I had been displaying before my girls. And while I believe I have raised my girls to be conscious, having always encouraged them to be aware of the responsibility they have over their own lives and their freedom over the choices they make, when it came to my marriage I could see that the choices I made were far from taking responsibility for the role I played out in my marriage. You see, I have been married for 22 years and these years had been anything but my definition of an ideal marriage.
My husband and I had learnt to successfully hide behind the busyness of our lives using our kids as very valid excuses, we hid behind the routine lives we had created so that we did not have to deal with our massive ego’s in the way of allowing us to be vulnerable with each other and allowing our need for love, support and connection to be even remotely known.
It was not until I was able to question my actions that I was able to recognize my past patterns and delve within myself to find that I had in fact been playing out past patterns that were in fact detrimental to our marriage. I was playing out my parents’ lack of trust in their marriage, also events that took place in my growing up years that had led me to decide that men could not be trusted. I was able to recognize that no matter what my husband did and did not do, I had already decided that he could NOT be trusted.
Similarly he brought into our marriage his undealt with emotions and past patterns that further distanced us. I later discovered that many of us do just this and that it takes courage to face these. It requires of us let go of our ego’s need to be right. It requires of us to be vulnerable as we share our emotions and allow ourselves to come from a space of love in our communication with our partners. It takes work and it is worth every bit not just for you, for your partner but for your kids and may be even their kids through the marriages they enjoy.
So what is my marriage really teaching my kids? I can today say that my marriage is teaching my kids that;
- It takes courage to look within oneself and recognise any past patterns that we bring into the marriage. When I act in courage I am empowered.
- Each individual brings into the marriage unconsciously of course, their own personal ‘excess baggage’ and that’s OK. Because we are all on a journey of personal growth and personal development and our marriages provide a fantastic opportunity for personal growth.
- I am worthy of love, abundance and happiness in my marriage and in every area of my life.
Who is Yolanda Alvares?
Yolanda Alvares is the author of her book entitled ‘Abundant motherhood; empowering mum’s to empower their kids’
Yolanda runs empowerment workshops for kids helping them increase self-belief in themselves; she also runs abundant motherhood workshops for mums supporting mums in their challenges as she leads them towards living more authentic and abundant lives.
Yolanda Alvares also runs her business called ‘Giggles4Girls’ which runs fun and exciting birthday parties just for girls where each party theme is outlined with an aim to empower girls to feel good about themselves, build stronger bonds among the friends and help each child to be the best version of themselves.
Yolanda can be contacted on: 0432 477 021 or to find out more about her empowerment events and workshops visit www.giggle4girls.com.au or www.abundantmotherhood.com.au