Each year we get more and more studies proving just how good having sex is for your health and wellbeing let alone your confidence and self esteem.
How it helps you burns calories faster than any other exercise regime or diet and how it can help your pre and post baby body. But there are still so many Myths about the Big ‘O’ and here at Love & Indulgence we would like to clear up a few of them for you:
MYTH: My body is incapable of having an orgasm
FACT: 85% of women find it difficult to achieve orgasm via penetration. In addition to that, most people do not realise there are 10 difficult kinds of orgasms that women can experience and they all seem to have a slightly different intensity. So you have probably had one and didn’t even realise. Women need to experiment with their bodies to work out what spots work for them.
MYTH: The older you get the less chance you have of reaching orgasm
FACT: Over time women that have been with a long-term partner tend to have better orgasm. Studies have shown that 70% of women over 50 claimed to have had an orgasm the last time they had sex. As you get older you are more familiar with your body, what you do and don’t like. This is why men love older women. They are empowered and know what they want!
MYTH: You will always know an orgasm by the sounds made
FACT: This one is my favourite. All women do not moan like in porn or like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. In fact, it is frequent that women won’t make a sound as they have simply had their ‘breath taken away’.
MYTH: No orgasm means the sex was bad
FACT: I used to have that belief as I was on a mission for an orgasm and only an orgasm. However, I have had amazing sex with no actual specific moment of an orgasm but an hour of complete pleasure instead. I don’t know about you but that’s pretty good!
MYTH: If I can’t orgasm it’s my partners problem not mine
FACT: You need to be responsive for your own orgasms. If you don’t know what you like, or communicate with your partner what you do or don’t like, how are you ever going achieve an orgasm?
MYTH: Condoms make it harder for women to orgasm
FACT: Unlike men, there is no evidence to prove that theory. The lubrication that comes with a condom in fact can assist in reaching orgasm for a women and the fact that it takes the guy that little bit longer again raises the odds for you to catch up!
MYTH: Multiple orgasms are hard to obtain
FACT: It’s not uncommon for women in their 40s to 60s to experience multiple orgasms that flow from one to the next with more intensity with each. The reason for this tends to be that they are more relaxed with themselves and during lovemaking. Simultaneous orgasms with a partner however are more rare. It is achievable the longer a couple are together as they find their rhythm.
MYTH: Orgasms only happen with long-term partners
FACT: Incorrect. There is absolutely no reason you can’t as a women experience an orgasm with a one-night stand. It’s about knowing your body and your headspace at the time.
MYTH: Eating certain foods can increase your orgasm odds
FACT: Even though we commonly know of the hormone testosterone to be associated with men, it’s actually the hormone, which controls sexual desire with women.
Foods low in carbs and high in protein: dairy, eggs, poultry and select meat and fish, work to raise testosterone. Also, small amounts of dark chocolate release dopamine – a monoamine neurotransmitter, which allows humans to experience sexual pleasure.
What can you do to help achieve orgasm next time?
Put your mind into the experience not the goal
Your partner can’t read your mind so open the lines of communication and tell them what you like
Make sure you encourage your partner when they are doing something pleasurable
The more comfortable you are with your sexuality the more you will enjoy the experience. Remember, it’s all in your head. By loving your femininity you’re helping your psychological wellbeing making it easier to reach the Big ‘O’.
Some women have trouble concentrating during sex. If that’s the case, close your eyes and fantasize about a place, or person that will excite you. Fantasizing is not cheating. It is a natural experience we all have.
When you are close to orgasm, alternate between tightening and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles and this will trigger an orgasm.
It’s not uncommon that a woman is actually aroused when a man ejaculates. So make sure you communicate that with your partner and get him to keep going either manually or with his mouth.
Don’t for a minute think that your partner will feel uncomfortable with this or think it is selfish. Your partner will be more excited at the idea of satisfying you!
You can add massagers to help with the process. There are so many varieties to help achieve orgasm. Everything from small hand held bullet style massagers that can be discreetly used to stimulate the clitoris during lovemaking; to couples massagers where both partners get to enjoy the pleasure vibrations together.
Intimacy & Adult Product Lifestyle Educator, Author, Speaker Dating & Sex, Love & Intimacy Expert