Q: What to do to get him back
He brought me to his best friend birthday celebration last weekend and the next day he said I am super clumsy when am drunk, touchy to almost everyone (I guess am hugging or stay too close to his friends). I did said sorry and promises not to do it anymore but it need times too.
After that mess, his messages seem so cool and he even ignores my messages. He replied the next day and said sorry for the late reply and he is busy. We chit chat for a while and I fell sleep. I only replied him the next morning and then no more replying after that.
So, after that day his messages just seems…cold..cold…cold
I know I made a big mistake and might push him away from me.
How can I talk it out with him? Obviously he is upset about that night? And how should I talk about it to him?
Been seeing him for two months plus and texting everyday, we slept too.
A: Dear I Fall Quickly
Why do you want to get someone back that is cold to you and shitty?
Let me tell you right now when it comes to men it’s either a fuck yes are a fuck no and he is using the excuse of what happened to do the one thing that man hate to do which is dump you. They hate the tears and the drama and the talking blah blah blah so you actually offered him on a Silver Platter the ultimate escape. However seriously you’ve only done the guy for two months so why the hell should you give a shit move on!
Q: Falling for a fetish play partner. When and how to talk
After my last relationship ended, I have decided to explore one of my fetishes while I’m single. Went on a specialized website, found a man. At that time I wasn’t thinking about relationship at all. I mean, I wanted to find a “normal” relationship elsewhere, but the purpose of meeting that man was purely to try the fetish, since I haven’t had any relationship going on at that time, plus who looks for a relationship on a fetish website anyway? Just picked someone experienced (since I was new) and who seemed safe and sane after talking online. I also know that I’m not good at casual relationships and usually catch feelings after a couple of months of spending time with someone, so picked a man who seemed like not my type at all, like not outgoing or active, a bit awkward socially and 10 years older than me (I’m 30, if that matters). Our “relationship” was, basically, just meeting up, playing and having sex. Just met for a coffee first few times, so I can feel more comfortable and make sure he is not a serial killer or anything. Lol.
So we’ve been getting together every week or two for the past 5-6 months. I’m a very sociable person and like to talk to everyone, even if I’m not planning to have a relationship with a person. He was a bit awkward at first, but with the time he started opening up more and more. Our conversations got deeper, he was telling me a lot about his childhood, family, dreams etc. We’ve been having all night long text conversations every few days, sometimes sexual, but sometimes not, just about what’s going on in our lives etc., also I started hanging around longer after our play sessions. I’ve learned he is actually interesting, funny, smart and a good person in general. He told me himself, that he is a bit shy and doesn’t talk too much with new people, so he feels more connected and opened with me now and can share stuff.
Of course I’ve been seeing others, dating around etc., but till now haven’t found a long-term serious boyfriend. Over the past 2-3 months I have realized I have developed feelings for this guy I’ve been playing around with. I’m thinking about him all the time, miss him when he is not around and feel great after we talk via text or see each other. I have noticed that this situation doesn’t let me date normally, I’ve met a few guys who seem pretty good for me, but I fail to have any chemistry or excitement about them, when I’m so much into this guy. So I decided, the best thing would be to talk to the guy I’m playing with about my feelings, so we either end this, if he doesn’t feel the same way, and maybe I’ll suffer a bit, but will get over it, since I won’t be seeing him. Or he’ll tell me that he feels the same way, and we’ll take our relationship to the next level. The great thing about him, that he never plays games and very straight forward. We have developed some kind of weird friendship, and I feel like I can talk to him about anything, and he’ll tell me exactly how things are. On one side, I’m used to the fact that if a man wants to be with you, he’ll let you know and would do anything to be with you, on the other hand, I was the one, since the beginning, telling him, that I don’t want a relationship with him, he is not my type. And I just want to try out my fetish (which guy would say no to that), and he doesn’t seem like a man who would chase a woman, he is very “to the point”.
So I have decided that next time I’m seeing him, I’ll bring this up. That was about a month ago. He told me he has to go away for work for 3 weeks, and really wants to see me before. We had set up a date, but a few days before some issues came up (unrelated to us), so we couldn’t meet up, and I offered to meet up last moment that day, since it was the only day we could see each other before he is gone. It was late and I didn’t feel like driving to him (we live far away from each other, and usually I go to his place, because I have a roommate), so I suggested he comes (my roommate was conveniently away that night) and if it is too late he can stay over (we have never stayed over at each other’s places). Surprisingly he accepted, came at like 11pm. We had sex and played a bit, but then just ate, watched horror movies, kissed and cuddled (we’ve never done anything like that before). So things were so great, I have decided not to ruin this evening with the talk, and postpone it.
3 weeks after, he came back, was messaging that he missed me and stuff. We met up for sex/play session again. He was super sweet, was complimenting me a lot, suggested we’d make a dinner together, mentioned that I should stay over sometime and said we should go out for sushi next time. So we haven’t had “the talk” again.
So my problems/questions are…. Based on the last 2 times we’ve spent together, he seems to be developing some feelings for me too. Does it seem like that or is it a wishful thinking, and I’m seeing things that are not there, because I’m so much into him? Is it a good idea to have “the talk” at this point? Originally I was determined, we know each other for 5-6 months, and so it’s obviously not too early. But on the other hand, he seems to be showing signs of being interested in me a bit more than before, so maybe I shouldn’t jump on him with my feelings not to scare him away and give him time to develop something deeper? If I am going to talk, what is the best approach?
A: To Scaredy Cat
He’s a deal when it comes to fetish BDSM and Tantra it is all about boundaries. It is all about communication. That is the foundation of this modality. So I’m not sure what you’re waiting for?? 100% confidence that he’s going to say yes to you?
Put both of you out of your misery and just tell him how you feel and communicate it clearly. The fact that you guys have already gone outside of the boundaries of it just being a plaything shows that there is room to explore.
People who are generally quite introverted feel safe with in the fetish and BDSM arena due to the idea that there are rules and boundaries in these relationships. It gives them a sense of control.
I generally do say that the person that you fall for is never the person that you thought you would fall for. Think about it this way I love your previous relationships have worked because of the kind of guy you normally fall for so sick of playing rinse and repeat I suggest you actually do the opposite to everything you would normally do and give it a bash no matter what the outcome is.
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