Who can believe that Xmas decorations are out already and those advent calendars are in your face at the supermarket check-out.  How on earth am I going to have that in the house and count down the 25 days of Xmas now on the 17th of October???  Where did the year go…as well all say about this time every year?  
Or better yet, ask yourself ‘What have I done with this year?’ and go deeper with ‘What have I done with this year that has taken me closer to achieving my goals?’ ‘What have you been willing to sacrifice to live the life of your dreams?’  Now aint that a BIG question to ask of yourself?
This is also a time of year where the not so happily married start to reflect on the year that was.  Start Googling for answers and wondering, do I really want another year of ‘that’ kind of marriage or relationship?  Soon your Facebook feed will fill up with the Insta happy family shots and those celebrating the festive season that is soon upon us.  
I have spent some time reflecting on my life over the last 5 years and all that I have accomplished. Those memories on good ole Facebook to remind you every day, so no doubt it’s going to trigger some reflections.  
Five years ago, was when my marriage officially ended and I was pretty much feeling at my own personal version of rock-freakin-bottom.  Not a happy a place and a place I choose no longer to visit.  But boy-oh-boy am I abso-freakin-lutely proud of all I have accomplished.  
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Reflecting on the good is good, and then reflecting on the great is even better.  There is often some not so pleasant feelings and the super shitty experiences that we may not want to face but this too can be helpful.  We don’t live in the past and we can’t change the past, so we don’t want to focus on the negative side of what happened for too long.  
There is always a choice with these reflections to see the flipside to what happened.  How else do we learn and grow as humans? We must be careful to the meaning we give what happened.  If all we chose to focus on was the ‘sad and bad’ then how would that make us feel?  What if you could change the meaning from having a failed relationship, to that now you are able to have a fresh start in life?  What if you could be grateful for what has happened in your life so far?
What are you proud of that you have done?  Start asking the questions above?  They don’t have to be huge, life changing events and life up-levels like my journey.  What is something small that you are proud of?  Start with baby steps. What can you celebrate today, tomorrow and then on Friyay? Do a little dance, play your favourite song really loud and dance it out!
You see, the brain loves it when we celebrate.  The brain gets all hormonal on us and releases dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins and the like – check out this article – https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/conversational-intelligence/201512/celebration-time
These hormones help keep us in a happy, more hopeful, positive and fulfilled state of being.  It is super important that you do celebrate and you can even celebrate daily.  Sure, you may not throw a party every night and you don’t have to, perhaps imagine giving yourself a nod of approval, or a virtual high five, look at yourself in the mirror and smile ‘you’ve got this’.  Even better, learn how to anchor in a positive, celebratory trigger that you can keep on adding to when there’s even more to celebrate.
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Gratitude has been one of the smallest changes I made in the early days of my separation that has possibly had the biggest difference.  I still recall the text message from a friend who told me to be grateful for the marriage ending.  At first, I was like WTF is she talking about.  Why on earth would I be grateful for the end of my marriage, was the self-commentary.  I was puzzled and speechless and confused as fuck with what the fuck did being grateful should do with anything positive right now.  Then, I paused, and thought, well I’ve asked this person for advice, this is what she’s given me, could there be something more to this whole gratitude thing?  I asked her how to be grateful and what was that exactly so that I could get a grip on being grateful and that it made sense in my confused world.  
In a nutshell, you are being grateful for all that you had together, all the learnings and then, a fresh start.  I was like ok, that I can do.  I am not grateful that my marriage ended as in ‘yay it’s over with a thank fuck’ kind of attitude.  I was to then associate good feelings with gratitude.  Plus, I was about to turn 40, so that was something to look forward to with a fresh new outlook on life.  In all honesty, it’s not like I was happily married, so I may as well give this ‘happily single’ thing a go.  
I am so glad that I did.  
Don’t get me wrong, we need to feel the crappy emotions too, but when you are grateful, you cannot be angry and sad at the same time.  Also, we often find it easier to look at what you don’t have anymore.  It is easy to stay sad and angry.  It takes effort and a renewed mindset to want to think differently.  I am absolutely so so grateful for gratitude.  It has changed my world.  
So you now get to be grateful for all you have right now and then you can be grateful for the new journey that lies ahead.  This is life, and sometimes shit just happens.  We may not want it but what if it was all worth it in say a few months’ time, even next year, what would that be worth to try being grateful.  
Now, I write out and think about what I am grateful for every day and throughout the day.  My little people have a gratitude jar that we put notes in and coins that are found randomly.  Gratitude helps you look up and smile.  It helps when life feels like it sucks complete eggs.
As the year ticks away, the days fly by, what can you reflect on, celebrate and be grateful for?
 
 
renee-catt-divorce-go-to-girl-founder
Renee Catt, I am a Melbourne mother-of-two who gave my new single status the ultimate reinvention, taking the lowest point in my life to a whole new high.
I found my passion and purpose and then created a new career based on lessons from my divorce and now am here to help others going through a breakup.
Through coaching I chose to see my divorce as an opportunity to find myself again and not mourn the loss of someone else. I am often dubbed ‘the divorce guru,’ and I believe there is no time for a never-ending pity party, but always time to plan a good divorce party.
Founder of Divorce Go To Girl and Coach www.divorcegotogirl.com
 
 
 
 
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www.sacredpotential.com