We all know that men and women are very different, and there is no exception to this in the bedroom.
Men cannot possibly be expected to mind-read our feminine needs and desires in every moment, because quite often, we don’t even know what we want ourselves and when we do, it changes the next moment…
We are like the vast ocean that is forever in flow, forever moving, changing from moment to moment. How can we expect men to keep up? Often we can’t even keep up ourselves, and our reactions surprise us.
Women have two ways of coping with this:
We either expect men to know what to do silently and when they get it wrong, we judge them for being a bad lover, or think that we are simply a bad match
If we do find the courage to tell them what to do, it can often come across as criticism… Many men have a chip on their shoulder of wanting to be a good lover and can take feedback the wrong way, no matter how good your intentions are.
So what do we do?
1. Create a relaxed environment.
Know that your pleasure is his pleasure. Love-making is not there for the woman to allow the guy to get off on you. It is there for mutual pleasure and as in life where the saying goes: happy wife happy life, in the bedroom it is no different. Your sexual turn-on will be the greatest gift you can give your lover. It will turn him on more than you may think.
2. Verbalise how you are feeling during love making at all times.
Eyal Matsliah says that every sensation has a sound. What I have found is that making sounds will actually intensify the sensations and increase the pleasure. It is also great feedback to your lover.
3. Creating positive feedback will make it easier to take the constructive feedback.
Make sure you phrase your feedback specifically to tell him what you want him to do, not what you don’t want him to do. For example, don’t tell him: “you are going to fast, that hurts.” Tell him: “I would love it if we could just take it a little slower and explore the subtle sensations of a slower dance.” That way, you are never criticising him, but guiding him proactively into exploring different things.
4. Become aware of any unspoken expectations.
Whenever we have expectations, we open ourselves up to be disappointed. So let them go or communicated them.
5. Set a clear framework for your love-making:
What I have found really helpful, especially with a new lover, is to set a clear framework of what we would like to experience during our time together.
Perhaps you are exploring your inner slut and are worried that he might think that you are too much. Talk about it beforehand! Ask him if it’s ok let her out. Ask him to encourage you, if that’s what you want. Set a clear intention for yourself and remember to also ask what he is looking for.
Through clear frameworks and clear communication, you will be met in your truth and can allow yourself to be seen in the fullness of your expression.
Krystal Alexander-Hille is an international Divine Feminine Embodiment Coach at Goddess Reawakening, who assists feminine leaders and awakening women to rebirth their divine feminine essence, their sexual power and soul purpose. She is a visionary, coach, author, speaker and facilitator of retreats and workshops around the world.
Her signature workshop is “Return to the Temple of Isis – an initiation into the ancient sexual practices to empower modern women”. She also holds Skype sessions for individuals to release shame and trauma, or assist them to connect more deeply to their soul purpose through past-life regressions, NLP processes, cord cutting and powerful transmissions and invocations. www.goddessreawakening.com/