Last night was my first Tinder fuck.
First, as in, I have never used the app to invite a man over purely for sex.
But I really, REALLY needed it.
Long story short it was awesome, and the sex was amazing lol…
But something happened during sex that night that brought to mind a brilliant topic for exploration.
What does one do when a fetish pops up in the bedroom?
My first experience with a fetish popping up in the bedroom was when I was 19, the guy I was sleeping with at the time stuck his tongue in my ear.
I must say it was an intriguing experience and it did send tingles in all the right places.
But then he asked me to do it to him…
I remember pausing for a moment and think “OMG gross!” But then thinking why the fuck not?!?
I also had a moment of thought to the fact that if he likes tongues in his ear he must keep them clean so there is a greater possibility of it happening. He got off on it so much, his body quivered and eyes rolled back. It was nice to pleasure him in such a unique way.
After my longest relationship I had the fortune of meeting a very, VERY kinky man.
Whilst deep inside of me he started to explain how much he wanted me to piss all over him because he was a dirty, kinky boy.
I was reluctant to do so on the couch and I wasn’t even going to try it, but then I needed to pee. So I wanted to give it a go and see what it was like. We went to the bathroom and I tried to pee whilst he was still entering me from behind but I couldn’t coordinate myself lol…
I ended up sitting down to pee and he played with my pussy the whole time.
“That’s one I really want to try again though”
I must say, I really enjoyed the additional release.
He lost me a bit later though when he dirty talked about wanting to fuck my ass and pull it out dirty, I didn’t bat an eyelid but I knew within myself I would not be pursuing it.
In my later 20’s, I had a passionate and gentle lover that had a fetish for the back of my knees.
He bent my leg back over his cock and slid it through the nook behind my knee. I had thought he had wanted something a little tighter. He later explained it was the part he found hottest about a woman.
“Needless to say, I took advantage of that by wearing skirts around more often”
“And last night I had the pleasure of a foot fetish popping up in the bedroom”
Now, prior to this the idea of a foot fetish turned me off. When they start sucking toes in porno’s I start to get a bit like, “Yeah ok. Just hurry up and get to the good part already.”
Mid way through he began to kiss my ankles.
Then it crept up to kissing my feet. Then it escalated to licking and sucking my toes.
Honestly, I couldn’t believe it was happening…
For me previously I hadn’t been into it, but when he started I was overcome with the sensation of being regal, like a revered queen.
“It made me feel really powerful because it was like he was worshiping my feet”
Furthermore, I actually loved the way that fulfilling this man’s fetish fantasy turned him on.
I could tell that he was holding back from completely allowing himself to love my feet.
But what he gave as a result of being allowed to be completely him was amazing.
That was amazing sex!!!
The foot fetish, the ear, and behind the knee were all sprung on me in the bedroom. Because I’m very open to sexual experiences and these were minor kink, in my opinion, I chose to go with the flow and where it lead me.
With other men I have been with that had fetishes it’s been explored in conversation prior to sex.
I came across one man who I got along like a house on fire with.
When the topic of sex came up he said he was very kinky.
His fetishes were anything to do with the ass, spanking and face fucking.
“Face fucking is not my thing”
A little bit whilst I’m giving head I don’t mind, but I’m not big on a guy fucking my throat like he fucks me from behind. I shared that with him and he was cool with it. He just continued with what else he enjoyed and we explored each other fetishes first through conversation, getting a good feel for the boundaries in the bedroom.
In my longest relationship my partner wanted to watch me have sex with another man. However I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t able to feel comfortable enough to let myself go in a situation like that, and I would have needed a lot of alcohol to get to that point.
In that relationship also, we had conversations about what we wanted to explore in the bedroom. We tried things and explored each other’s sexual desires and came to conclusions as to whether we wanted to try it again and we were supportive of those decisions.
‘I personally enjoy exploring the bounds of my fetishes and sometimes stepping outside of that to try something new, in a safe environment’
In my experience, when I have allowed the man I’m with to live out his fantasies with me, he opens up with passion and it’s a beautiful connection of acceptance where all shame is release.
For me that’s the best kind of sexual experience, where there is NO shame around our sexuality and what turns us on.
Here’s a few TIPS on how to approach fetishes when they pop up:
1 You can always say NO!
If it’s not up your alley a simple “No thanks” with a kind smile works. I’ve said it plenty of times when men want to go for anal and I’m just not in the mood.
2 If it pops up and your semi into it, ask for more of what you like and less of what you don’t like
You can do this both verbally or physically – I love when a man I’m with grips me by my hair and holds me tight, if they grab my hair a grab their hand tight to encourage them to grip it tighter. Otherwise a simple “OMG babe that feels amazing. Please more, please.” Or guide him back to what you liked more, “Babe can you do more of xyz I really liked that”.
3 After sex, bring up with him what you loved about what you explored together
Ask him where he learnt it. Ask him what about it that turns him on (sometimes his answer will be because it just does and he doesn’t know why – in that case I just ask him what else he likes).
4 Ask him what he likes in the bedroom
Not only does this create exceptional amounts of sexual tension, it allows you to get to know him sexually and be more prepared for the experience. Knowing that, you can prepare in advance. Maybe you want to get a pedicure for the man with the foot fetish, maybe you want to douche before anal, along with doing your hair and makeup. (Side note in saying this though – if you are doing this purely to create sexual tension, keep in mind that if you’re just teasing him he may walk away feeling shame and confusion over his sexual desires, and that’s never a situation anyone should be placed in).
5 If you need drugs and alcohol to go ahead with trying out a new fetish then really question if this is something that you want to do
I totally get how a couple of glasses kill the nerves (and loosens the right places lol…) but if your intoxicated getting into fetishes your over confident with expanding your boundaries and things can get out of hand.
6 Ensure that you are in a safe environment
Have a safe word and know the person well enough if you are exploring something for the first time – Fetishes fulfill sexual desires, make sure yours match or you trust the person enough to explore theirs.
Happy fetish exploration!
Miss Danger xxx