Men your sitting asking yourself why you can never get to that eluded second date? You seem to always have a one strike rate and then that’s it. She disappears and you never see her again. You believe you’re a great guy, your mates tell you your great so why are you in dating dilemma hell?
Today due to technology we are more connected and more disconnected than ever. Dating has become a minefield and to be honest people are quite frankly giving up on love all whilst craving the shit out of it. What you don’t realise that Dating is a Skill and this technology has gotten in the way of how to communicate face-to-face. You are quite simply a different person online then you are offline. Confident behind your phone or screen and introverted, shy or lacking basic communication skills with then opposite sex when she is within smelling distance to give you a hard-on!
So here are some tips on what it is your doing to get the ice queen or that horrid ghosting experience. Read it with an objective (I know you don’t like doing that) mind and let’s just see if we can quickly turn that frown upside down!
1.Don’t be super keen to the point of stalker messages.
You’ve met a great gal and you don’t want to lose her so what do you do? Ask her out. Don’t piss fart around waiting to ask her, ask her during the first date! If you ask as she says “I’m busy” be specific with a date and time. If she is blowing you off and to finding time to lock you in…run! She not that into you!! Whatever you do don’t message bomb her all day. Not sexy dude!
Young woman on a bad date.
2. Respect her boundaries
Fella’s fella’s fella’s. If she says she doesn’t want you to pick her up for the date, doesn’t have men in her house, doesn’t want to give you her address or mobile number, doesn’t want to walk down the beach at night with you…don’t EVER push it. Respect what she is saying. Let’s get real here, you’re a frickin stranger to her still and she is navigating through a bunch of emotional feelings while interacting with you. If you respect her boundaries without flinching you will instantly earn some brownie points!
3.Acting like a Creepy Motherfucker
On the same topic of respecting her boundaries, if you EVER respond to her boundaries with comments like “I’m not a stalker” or “I’m not a rapist” you’re done! Toast! Cactus!! Only people who say these comments are bloody stalkers and rapists!!!! She knows that and it doesn’t take much more resistance from her for you to show your true colors and that date will never ever happen cause your being a creepy mother fucker!
4.Use your Smile!
It makes you instantly more approachable. It creates an environment and energy for women that is inviting, that people are drawn to and means you’re a person that someone will invest time with.
5.Use your eyes!
The eyes are really the gateway to the soul. It explains who you are. Eye contact is vital to not only show your interest in the other person but to build trust.
6.Touch her!
You don’t have to be creepy about it guys. I’m not saying go grab her ass. I’m saying find a reason to gently have to touch her somewhere. Let’s say you’re walking in or out of a venue/bar/restaurant together. Touch gently the small of her back. Another option is to remove lint from her shoulder. The reason why I say touch is because that simple gesture releases natural chemicals to help you connect. It doesn’t have to be a long touch…just try it.
7.The art of desire
Don’t be soooooo available!!! That’s right. If every time she says “I’m free do you want to catch up?” and you’re always available and ready and waiting you come across as 1. Needy 2. You have no life and friends. That’s seriously not sexy. There is no harm in saying you’re busy (even if you’re not) to make her put in more effort to make that next catch up happen.
8.Be Confident NOT Cocky
Be the prize at the end of the fair. It’s like being at a carnival and you’re that big huge teddy bear that everyone wants to win. People are drawn to confident and repelled from cocky. Knowing your worth is confidence. Thinking your shit doesn’t stink is cocky….YUK, next please!
9.Leave her short sweet messages to wake up to.
Daily messages are great. Daily essays are not. Just leave a one liner message for her to wake up to. Now I have met many men that use this technique. The real challenge is…can you keep it up for more than two weeks? If you can you got a real chance!
Young couple standing and talking
10.Create good rapport
I get flabbergasted when people think that creating rapour is shooting off your mouth for hours on end about…yourself!!  I’m soo bored just thinking about it!! Creating rapport is learning how to shut up! How to ask open ended questions. How to find out what titillates the other person. Ask enough questions and you will find that ‘thing’ that just lights someone up. That’s the thing you continue to bring up. They will see you have taken notice and actually listened. That’s good rapport.
5 Best Places in London for your First Coffee Date
11.Don’t do a dinner date
I hear you saying “What???” Here is the reality. Dinner date = sex to a woman’s mind. If you are paying then you want playing. I mean that dinner cost a lot so why not? If a woman even remotely (unless discussed beforehand of course) thinks you are going to want to get frisky with her because its night-time and you’ve spent all this money, and you actually go down that road…you are going to be sorry. Try a coffee, or a morning walk/run. Try anything else and any other time that is not going to run into a night time event to convince her you’re not just after her pussy!
12.Be aware of her Safety
It’s important today for her so make sure wherever you meet it is around other people. Make her feel safe at all times and she will feel safe to be around you and you will win more of those brownie points.
13.Don’t just SMS her
Call her! Ummmm unless you have laryngitis pick up the bloody phone and call her! Yes, this amazing simple trick will that seems to allude so many of you men shows us your character.
14.Women like Men NOT Boys
Make decisions and take charge!!! This is how you get into your masculine energy (doing energy) which helps us women go into our feminine energy (which is secretly that shit you guys crave!!) Make the decisions for that date. Don’t ask her questions, make suggestions. Don’t be a people pleaser (I think I just vomited into my hand) because it makes you look weak and a pushover. The only question you should ask is “are you allergic to anything” if you organise food. That’s it!
15.The Big Noter
Don’t name drop, don’t talk about how much money you have, your expensive car, your boy toys etc. etc. Women, not girls, don’t give a shit about that stuff!! It has to be one of the biggest turn offs ever! Gold diggers however do so if that’s the kind of girl you’re looking for then go ahead, make their day! However I’m really hoping the man reading this isn’t into superficial surface non-lasting, you’re going to end up in a foetal position rocking into the corner as she rips your heart out via your back pocket, kind of female and instead desires a real women who will stand by your side and make you feel invincible!
The 4 things women want at the beginning of dating

  1. Make decisions
  2. Stand up for us
  3. Protect us
  4. Be present. So when you are with us your focus is only on us

16.The Ultimate Dating Secret
Be the version, the entire version, of the person you wish to meet! Yes that’s right, you actually have to turn up first. Relationships of all sorts are a mirror reflection. If you look at your dating history and your saying “that’s not what I want or asked for” then you need to go look in the mirror as the Law of Attraction says you can only keep meeting people on your level. So if you want this, this and this you need to be this, this and this first. If you think you are ‘this’ and you’re not happy with the person you’ve attracted then guess what? You’re not ‘this’ your actually ‘that’ so you need to go back to the drawing board and keeping working on you till you become and attract ‘this’.
Melina Macdonald
Intimacy & Adult Product Lifestyle Educator, Author, Speaker Dating & Sex, Love & Intimacy Expert