One of the most powerful things to do in life is to empower who you are. Over the last 30 years of studying in this area I knew that self-defence was not just about fighting. I had learnt to fight for over 6 years winning many medals and competing for my country. It wasn’t until I was put in many vulnerable situations that I realised that fighting was not the only answer. So I went on a quest to empower who I was.
When working with women I realise that many times, even many times per day I listen to them disempower themselves through their conversations and with their actions. It all comes down to confidence. Confidence is built many ways, but the most important way is the way you speak to yourself and whether you are proud of who you are or dismiss who and what you do.
I remember being at an empowerment group for women and I listened to a woman talk about her service for the group. In 2 minutes she disempowered herself saying that what she did was not much, and that the women should not go to any fuss about her, that she really didn’t add much and they would probably find someone with more skills to fill her spot. How many times in life do we, as humans, do this.
And why do we do this. There are many reasons why but here are a few that I have discovered over the years
We fear rejection more than we value our life
I have heard of many people who get into a car with a drunk driver. Take drugs or consume drugs to fit in or comply too someone else’s judgment. Not go for a job or promotion because they fear failing. Not say no when they clearly know they should. Allow other to walk all over their no and then comply with them, or say “OK then”.
Why do we do this? We then blame others for our weakness and may state that they bullied me and I now feel upset and angry. We blame others for taking from us, or that I am less, or I can never be to someone else. When we do this we then allow others to judge us and we often feel a lack of belonging, a lack of power and not loved and accepted.
When we wait for other to approve of us we then have very little control over the way we feel and we have to wait to know that we are accepted. Often we can wait for hours, days, weeks and years to be validated.
I remember a man who was given a medal for bravery. He chased after a man who was firing a gun at the community and also himself and he kept running at him and made a citizen arrest. He was awarded the bravery medal for his actions, and when I met him he was suicidal and had PTSD from the incident.
I asked him who he craved love from the most out of his mother and father? He said his Father. I asked him what he need to do to receive approval and love from his dad, and what was he not allowed to do? What where his father’s rules? He said that he never reached his dads rules. His father had said that he had never said that he loved him. Even when he made the state team of his sports, his father’s reply was “now we will go for the Nationals”. He went to court for the incident that he received the medal for and when he came home to talk to his Dad he said to his Dad that this was the hardest day of my life and his Dad sat there and kept reading the Racing Guide in the paper.
This man became suicidal because his only way of being good enough and loved was to reach a rule that his father had the power to judge.
To become powerful in your life is to make sure that you own your rules of acceptance and that you judge and accept the intentions of your actions. Every action that you take is done for a positive reason. You have to work out whether you reached your intention and did it empower you and the people around you.
The Power Game
There is 2 ways to get your power. You get your power by empowering yourself and the people around you and that you build an intension that they are good enough loved and feel a sense of belonging in your presence. Or you Dominate power and that you feel power while they feel powerless.
Empowerment will build love and trust and Dominate power build fear and doubt.
There are many areas of power in your life. One is emotional power where you control the way you feel and you do not get hooked into other people’s power game of dominance. If you get hooked into power plays you will often distance, withdraw, blame others and doubt your connections. When you create emotional mastery you can bring any emotion you want to a play that is often what is least expected. You become completely flexible and bend in the storms to remain standing and strong
Another power game is sexual power that is played is in the bedroom. People when they feel doubtful can often go to power plays to dominate their partner instead of creating adventure and exploration with their partner that build passion, intrigue, freedom and a sense of throwing caution to the wind. You will find that you build your sense of self, and you have the ability to forge new places. You become more deeply connected and you do not need to control because you know that you can concur any situation that you face because you have built trust within yourself.
Physical power. Learn to do something physical so that you can learn to believe in your physical power and capabilities. When you know that you can concur and win and can give you a phenomenal belief that your strength is beautiful. I have done Martial arts for over 30 years now and I can still fight with people who are a 1/3 of my age and still win. I can throw people over my shoulder, and it feels amazing.
Financial power. Learn how to break out of desperation with your money so that you have multiple ways to make money. When you are tied to one resource with earning money and that avenue is taken away, you can feel powerless and feel out of control.
Social power. Be well connected. Build quality friendships that have people that give. You have givers and takers in life. The quality of your relationships are the quality of the people that you hang with. Find multiple ways to build your friendships and make sure you do not become isolated.
When you own yourself you completely know that you now have the power of acceptance in your hands. You believe in your purpose and you have a mission to fulfil. You create intensions and you reach those intentions multiple times per day.
An intention might be to take any situation that you receive today and create an opportunity for someone to feel empowered by what you do. The result is not that they feel empowered, it is that you created an opportunity to assist them to feel empowered by the action you took. You can give a gift to someone, and they may not always accept it. The intention is in the giving.
Make rules so that you can achieve them many times and you are not waiting for someone else to validate them. Find easy ways to reach them. We often have a dirt road to happiness and a freeway to suffering.
You self-talk is everything. Always believe in your own creation that has a powerful mission to complete and you now live with intention and a greater purpose. You purpose is so much more powerful when you have the ability to give it to someone else.
What you focus on is what you get
We often focus on what we do not want instead of what we do. We talk about our problems 90% of the time and only think of solutions 10% (and some people do not even get to these amounts. 99 to 1%)
Every day you think about intensions and how do I fulfil them. You do not create mistakes you have moments of growth and learning. And you reap what you sew. If you talk about yourself and the belief in being able to create, heal, find, and solve you will build a world of confidence and power that you can break through and concur.
Every though has a consequence. Does it empower or does it disempower you? You must control your thoughts and be disciplined. In the last 5 years I have not disempowered my ability and belief in who I am and I am now finding that so many people are asking for my assistance. My relationships have sky rocketed and the business opportunities are now flowing. I have been able to ask for a much higher rate of pay and financial freedom is growing every day.
Many people have commented that they feel so inspired when they talk with me, and this is attributed to the way I self-talk and believe in who I am. This is because of the steps I have outlined in the article above. It is also because I have learnt to love and accept how I am. I can only give from what I have and people see it and believe it. The way I talk to them is the way I talk to myself. I have an energy making machine and I have a zest for life that most people dream of.
Language is the power to your Soul
Every word you speak is the direction of where you go. What you speak tells your brain to focus on what you will get.
I often hear people talk about their life in dramatic stories. I once heard a man talk about his wife tearing him apart. I asked him where is legs went. He said “what”. I said ‘your legs must have gone somewhere and where did your arms go”. He laughed and I explained that when you talk about being ripped apart you brain now thinks this is life and death, you run your adrenalin (survival Hormone in your body in times of threat) and it now will justify running an emotion that is completely disproportionate to the actual action presented. This is how domestic violence is created in incidences that do not warrant the action taken. People can get to a point of killing their partner to survive a relationship that is about life and death, because you construct a story that is so dramatized that you will take this sort of action to stop the pain.
- The key to building a story is to tell the truth about the story and say it as it is
- Do not say the story worse than it is
- Say the story the way that you want it to be. Making sure that you use words that ask for what you want, state it in the positive, and always empower the person
For example. I believe in our relationship and the ability for us to find a way to grow respect and belief in how it can be. What can we do right now that can get us back on track and connect and love each other even more when we are challenged in moments that do not always get us there.
This ask for what we want. Has a belief in the power to overcome and our own resource to get us there and does not judge the other person but accepts them. Powerful language has the ability to lead the brain that will decide to take the action that will heal the problem or build the problem
Here is YouTube clip that can assist you to learn how to physically deal with a situation
Physical power does not have to come from physical strength. It comes from using your strength to it’s full potential. Everything in life is about turning up not turning off. I have watched people when they do not have a belief in themselves turn down. They change their physical energy and position into one of low energy. Depressive states often use less energy. People sit or lie in bed. They drop their shoulders, they breathe more shallow. Your physical body and the way you move it can often lead your brain also.
Any time you feel down, change your physical body to assist you to change your emotional state. Learn to breathe different. Here is a great YouTube clip to assist
Life can either bless you or create suffering through the stories that you tell yourself. So I ask you to create an empowered story that you are the one that allows you to be, concur and believe in your ability to make a difference. You always have the ability to create and design how you are when you take control and make it happen. You never know your true potential until you give it your all and believe in what you are capable of.
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