Q: I am devastated to find out my husband is cheating behind my back.
I’ve been married for about a year. My husband and I decided to try for a baby recently and we were pregnant in about 4 months but sadly lost the baby at 15 weeks. We were both so excited for a baby and when I lost the baby he was an incredible support. My husband wasn’t really interested in sex from the time I got pregnant until now. although he says he wants to try again for a baby, he doesn’t ever initiate sex although he is often affectionate. I had a look on his phone and found out that he had two accounts on dating websites and text messages with a “masseuse” while I was out of town the other night. It seems to have been more of a prostitute as he was meeting her at a hotel and her website had nude photos. Now I don’t know what to do. I love this man but I am completely blindsided. Do I confront him? How do I approach this?? I am devastated. I haven’t told anyone about this as I am mortified….. but am now feeling very isolated.
A: Address the real issues in your relationship first
First of all, I am sorry for your lost. It is not somethingthat is easy to go through. In regards to your husband not initiating sex, it could be due to a couple of reasons. Some men do hesitate to have sex with their partner as they are afraid of hurting the baby. However, this may not be the case in this situation. There may be underlying issues which have not been addressed in your relationship. The fact that you checked his phone may sound like there is a lack of trust in the relationship. I do think you need to confront him about the dating websites as well as the text messages. Before you think about having another baby, I think it’s wise you address these issues. Having a baby won’t fix your relationship, it’s just gonna make it even harder and definitely not fair for the baby. You won’t to bring him/her up in an environment that is loving & nurturing, not full of lies and cheating.
Q: Is it normal for my husband to do this?
I kind of have a moral dilemma going on here. I found out a few weeks ago that my fiancé created an account on a porn site and is pretending to be a girl on there. He’s sexting with multiple guys talking very dirty. I found out about it by accident and when I did I confronted him about it. He was defensive at first and after a few flare-ups he explained why he’s doing it: it’s just a masturbatory thing, he isn’t cheating because he’s never going to meet with these guys, and it’s a stress reliever from the stress of job searching. He’s still doing it, almost every day, for a few hours, whether I’m at home or at work. He also sexts using texting apps on the web. We have sex regularly and he says he’s super happy with me. I believe him. We’ve been together for 4 years and he’s made me very happy in multiple ways. I don’t know exactly why but this sexting thing is still bugging me even though we’ve talked about it… Any ideas? Should I be right in being concerned? Is this something normal some guys do? I know that he’s pansexual he’s made that very clear in the past, that doesn’t bug me.
A: Focus on the biggest picture and be flexible
Pansexual people is an attraction to someone regardless of their gender. That is not the case here as he is specifically sexting with men & only men! It sounds like to me he is sexually attracted to both men and women and needs to physically explore this situation. Bottom line is it’s not gonna go away or change till he explores this part of his sexuality. Your choice is to either explore it with him, let him solo explore for a while or if these ideas don’t float your boat…leave.
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