By Melina Macdonald, IntimacyTV

For many couples sex after children can seem like a bit of a challenge. Each step of a child’s life creates it’s own set of obstacles. The sleep deprivation and consistent needs of a baby, the go go go until they drop demeanor of a toddler or the chauffeuring around of school children to extra curricular activities and play-dates. Not to mention just the basics of making sure they are fed, washed and have had some attention paid to them. All of these stages can leave you with little energy left over to get in the mood and even when you do, you can be interrupted at the just the wrong moment.
Sex may be only one component to a relationship but sexual intimacy is actually the most vital component. It allows you to feel connected with your partner (imperative for longevity) but also results in a fuelling of your own inner sparkle.
Being intimate in front of your children (we are talking about kissing and the simple sense of affectionate touch) is the single BEST lesson you can teach your children. It instills within them healthy behaviour which they take forward to their adult relationships. Remember, as a parent you are your children’s teacher and ALL children take what they witness at home and make it part of their personality behavioural stamps. So be the example to give your children the life and love that you really desire and want.
If you are not sure how to do this check out the tips below to keep your sex life rocking after the kids come knocking!
Carve out couple time
Most of us with families have a calendar for what we think are the important dates such as birthdays, dentist appointments, dance class etc. When was the last time you saw ‘date night’ on your calendar? Your relationship with your partner should be as much of a priority as your child’s football practice or school play. Spontaneous time with your partner is fantastic but not always an easy time to find so make sure you put some couple time on the calendar and don’t cancel it! It doesn’t have to be a big night out if your circumstances don’t allow it, even an hour or two just for you to connect for a meal, a movie or intimate time can make a world of difference not only to your relationship but your mood in general.
Physical attraction
All of our bodies change as we age and this can lead to us feeling less attractive in our relationship as time moves on. Although this is also an issue with men, the physical change for women after having a child can be a big shock! Although some women do get back their former body, almost all of us will carry the evidence of motherhood in one way or another. It may be an increase in weight that we just can’t seem to shed, stretch marks that have popped up in various places, breasts that aren’t quite as perky as they used to be or that once flat stomach you loved that just isn’t flat anymore. When you don’t feel as attractive in yourself it can lead to you not being as excited to have sex. Reassuring your partner of your affection for and attraction to them helps them to feel loved, cared for and desired.
TIP: Ladies most men are just happy that they are allowed to touch you so try to stop being so paranoid about your new body.
Redefine foreplay

With children around sometimes you can be a little ‘time poor’ when it comes to physical intimacy. Although foreplay has it’s role to play, there are times you may have to cut the physical foreplay time down to avoid the interruption of the pitter patter of little feet running down the hallway. Remember that foreplay doesn’t always have to be physical. You can try things such as leaving naughty notes or your sexiest underwear in private places such as lunchboxes or handbags, sending a cheeky picture message, or even sending a series of text messages about what you want to do to them. The last one you can even do while you are pottering around the house and getting the kids ready for bed. The kids will never know and you will be ready for couple time by the time they are asleep.
Get creative

With children around, sex just can’t be as spontaneous as it used to be when there was just the two of you. There is a greater risk of being interrupted, whether it is a crying baby or a child that can walk in on you. You can’t always wait until the conditions are just right or you might be waiting a long time. Get a little creative about where and when you have sex. A quickie on top of the washing machine while the kids are watching their morning cartoons or taking advantage of your toddler’s afternoon nap will give your intimate life a little spontaneity. Quickie sex can still leave you feeling connected and fulfilled no matter where or when you have it.
Too tired is not a good reason
Sometimes after a day of work, whether that is in or out of the home, kid duties, and finally getting them and yourselves into bed, you’re so exhausted that the last thing on your mind is couple time. When your partner makes a move to be intimate with you, you end up having a conversation about why you’re not in the mood and wonder how they could even be thinking about sex after the busy day you have had. Just think, you probably could have had sex in the time you just wasted telling your partner about why you were too tired and avoided hurting their pride in the process with this rejection. I’m not saying have sex if you really don’t want to but being a bit tired will quickly become a regular reason as parents if you let it and as a result your sexual relationship will suffer in the long term. Besides, there are few things that help you sleep better than snuggling up with your partner basking in the afterglow!
All couples’ lives will change after having children. But with a little effort the quality of your sex life doesn’t have to. There are many ways to create intimacy in a relationship and they are not all about sex but just remember that it is just as vital in your relationship as the other components. Sex with your partner is one of the only things you share with them that you don’t share with others. It’s an important gateway to create intimacy, romance and closeness in your relationship. Don’t neglect yourself or your partner by neglecting your sex life.
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