So what’s it like to be in what for the most part is an ostensibly happy marriage with two beautiful children, two cars, two dogs and a view of the ocean?
We’re sold it as living the dream and I’ll be honest, I was enjoying the dream until one day, like all dreams, it ended.  Just like the other 50% of marriages, leaving me as man wondering what went wrong.
So if a marriage or relationship that appears to have everything going for it can end and they do all the time let’s face it, what as a man was I not doing or what did I need to learn to experience relationships differently in the future?
Getting stripped back is a great place to get real from.
After all the Personal Development I’d done I decided on a different tack and so embarked on a journey through dance where I got to connect to my feeling body in a very different way than you do in sport or exercise.
That led me to Tantra where I got to connect and play with the masculine and feminine aspects within and see how that manifested in relating to both women and men, but especially women.
My first girlfriend in my new single status kept talking about feelings all the time. If she had to make a decision she’d say she had to feel into it. I was like, what does that even mean? Surely you just think about it and work it out.
I thought I was a pretty sensitive New Age guy, with balls to be sure, having been brought up with very open parents, but I’d never really been taught as a man how to feel safe or even what language to use in expressing feelings, especially in the more emotional areas of the relationship.
If women are wondering what men are thinking or feeling they might be startled to discover that at times the man doesn’t know either or at least doesn’t know how to connect with those feelings.
Young happy amorous couple celebrating with red wine at restaurant
That’s why you can find yourself doing all the talking about an issue or about the relationship and your man starts to just stare back dumbly at you. Not because he’s not feeling anything, but because it takes a certain courage to be vulnerable and if there’s not a logical solution or outcome to the subject his male brain can go into fear and shut down.
Men don’t like Not having an answer or solution.
What a revelation to discover that we don’t need to have one! We can just talk and not have to come to a conclusion at the end and paradoxically sometimes that is the solution.
One thing I have discovered is if a woman is talking on and on it can be just the moment to simply kiss her on the lips, the same goes for a man. He’s welcome to keep on talking afterward, if he still needs to. Of course, you’ve got to want to kiss the person, but it’ll get him out of his head and into feeling pronto!
Dr Anton Gillezeau
Chiropractor, Intuitive Coach,
Speaker and writer’ at LifeDesign