Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to show the ones we love just how much we love them in out-of-the-ordinary ways. 

We often get bombarded with flowers, chocolate or Valentine’s Day cards and other gifts on this special day.
With less than a week to Valentine’s Day, some might struggle finding the perfect Valentine’s gift to surprise their partner.
Today I want to share in this post the simple strategy on how you can find the perfect Valentine’s gift this year that does not cost a fortune but guarantee to melt his or her heart.

I truly believe that it is not hard to satisfy your partner if you understand how.

Everyone is different when it comes to showing his or her love and appreciation. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the best selling book “The Five Love Languages”,  emphasises the importance of being able to express love to your partner in a way that he/she can understand.
We often express love and appreciation in a way that we want to receive, not the way our partner expects. Dr Chapman explained in his book that we feel best loved when our loved ones know how to speak our love language. We feel frustrated when they don’t.
Hence, not knowing your partner’s love language can lead to a Valentine’s Day with disappointment or frustration.
I’m going to break down the 5 love languages in the simplest terms possible and give you some examples that are easy to follow:

1) Words of affirmation

This is a verbal way to communicate your love and appreciation of another person.

For many who have words of affirmation as their main love language, verbal appreciation is more powerful than actions.

Examples: “You look great”, “I love you”, and “You’re very special to me.” “I really appreciate what you’ve done for me/our relationship/our family”, “I’m very proud of you” or, “You’re doing great”
Note: It’s not enough just to say I love you for the sake of saying it, because your partner will know that it’s not genuine. You really have to mean what you say; otherwise this can create hurt feelings and resentment.
Valentine gift ideas:

  1. A love letter or handmade card expressing how you feel about him/her and how much you appreciate them being in your life.
  2. A glass jar filled with 365 post it love notes so they can read one each day for a whole year.
  3. Find some lyrics and highlight some of the words or sentences that express your feelings towards your partner.
  4. A recorded message on their phone to remind them how much they are loved, which they can listen to whenever they want.
  5. Share with them 50 reasons why you are their No.1 Fan.

2) Acts of service

In contrast with the above love language, someone whose love language is ‘acts of service’ believes that actions speak louder than words.
Examples:  Cooking dinner, cleaning up, taking out the trash, fixing up the fence etc.
Note: It is very important that these acts of service need to come from the heart and not be done out of obligation, otherwise there will be a build up of frustration and resentment.
For Valentine’s gift ideas:

  1. Valentine’s Day coupons, which they can redeem for favours such as car wash, clean the dishes; take out the trash, massages, etc.
  2. If you have children, offer to take care of the children so they can have some relaxing or pampering time.
  3. Home-made breakfast in bed or candle lit dinner.
  4. Plan or organise a getaway trip you can do together.
  5. Find out some of the projects or things that the person always want to do but hasn’t been able to and help them complete/finish it.

3) Receiving gifts

Some people respond very well to more visual symbols like gifts, and that’s their way of respecting, caring, loving and appreciation. If you give them some kind of gifts, regardless of its value, they will treasure it as they would treasure the love and appreciation they have for them. Gifts can also take forms of emotional or spiritual gifts as well.
*Note: It is important to distinguish between receiving gifts and being materialistic. It does not matter about the value of the gifts but the intention behind the gifts.
Valentine’s gift ideas:

  1. You can’t go wrong with giving them something they really enjoy or love. (For example: If she likes flowers, buy her some beautiful flowers & chocolate)
  2. If you are crafty, you create a unique hand-made gift to express your love.
  3. Find out the thing that he/she really wants for a long time but hasn’t been able to get/purchase – go get it for them as a surprise.
  4. A special gift voucher to do different activities or experiences that they have always wanted to do. (i.e. sky diving, trapeze class etc.)
  5. Sentimental gifts such as an album with the collection of all your beautiful memories and moments together, or a CD with their favourite songs etc. You can also personalise or customise the gift to make it more special as well.

4) Quality time
When it comes to quality time, this person appreciates someone who plans to spend time with him or her.
The purpose of this love language is about building a deeper connection at all levels – emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually.

For someone that has this as their main love language, your presence means more than a thousand words.

*Note: Quality time also means more than just proximity; it’s about you being present to someone with 100% undivided attention.
Examples: Having cuddling time together, having deep and meaningful conversations, going for a walk, having fun together, looking or gazing into each other’s eyes etc.
Valentine’s gift ideas:

  1. Dinner dates at a romantic restaurants where you can spend time to chat and connect on this special day. (*Note: Date night rules – No talk about Business/Career, Housework or Kids)
  2. Go on a getaway somewhere just the 2 of you to recharge, reflect & reconnect.
  3. Take a class together whether dance, cooking, calligraphy, wood shop, you name it. Hands-on activities and learning something completely new next to the person you love is a total love bucket filler for the person who speaks in quality time. In a sense, it pushes you to discover more about the other.
  4. Go do some experiences or activities that will grow you as an individuals and an s a couple. (For example: Travel somewhere new together, do something that scares you)
  5. Re-enact your first date and revisit some memorable times together.

5) Physical touch

When someone’s love language is physical touch, a gentle touch, a simple hug, or a kiss on a cheek or the act of holding hands can speak volumes.
It is important to communicate with your partner through body language.

Physical presence and accessibility are crucial to someone with this type of love language.

Example: A hug, a cuddle, a kiss, a gentle touch, etc.
Note: Miscommunication can usually occur in situations where people (who have physical touch as their main language) feel most loved when they receive the physical contact from another human being, which at times can be perceived as being touchy or sexual.
Valentine’s gift ideas:

  1. Go for a nice long walk along the beach holding hands.
  2. A nice, warm & relaxing bubble bath or shower together
  3. A beautiful, nice gentle massage for your loved one in bed.
  4. Lots of kisses, cuddles and hugs.
  5. Passionate sex & intimacy!!!

I hope you find this post valuable and interesting! The understanding of love languages will definitely help you better communicate and express your love and appreciation and re-ignite passion and intimacy for many years to come.
Have fun & enjoy exploring your love languages.
Jane Nguyen
Author, Speaker, Transformational Dating & Relationship Coach,
NLP Practitioner and Level 2 Meta Dynamics Consultant
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