My journey around spirituality has been all over the place to say the least.  In my childhood I was raised Catholic…  “forced” by my parents to go through school and be confirmed.  Although as a child I suppose I could have rebelled.  I always thought that religion seemed a bit off to me or perhaps there was A LOT not right to me.  I remember at 7 years old I asked my Mom if the Priest at Church was actually God himself… my Mom laughed and said “No that’s Father so and so that’s not God!”.  At that moment I knew I was communicating through the middle man and I felt it was bullshit.  

I always had the common sense to think…. well if there’s all these religions out there who the fuck is right??? What are the chances that my religion is wrong and I end up in eternal hellfire? 

Growing up in my mid 20’s I was always teetering between Spirituality thinking there was a God, to Agnostic… to sometimes being a complete Atheist.  All I knew was that the man in the sky thing was complete bullshit… and from my experience…. Religion was always followed through guilt and shame (especially when it came to sexuality) . 

After decades of searching for my purpose in life I realized that it was within me all along.  I used to have a negative view on the world because I had resentment about my past… but spirituality cracked my heart wide open… in a good way.
The biggest change was going to my first spiritual retreat in a jungle in Cancun…  where we did a lot deep inner work. I realized how much resentment I was holding onto because of the way I was raised. I realized how much pain I was holding onto around my mother because she was an alcoholic when I was growing up. I realized how much pain I was holding around my father because I felt like he never saw me for the creative gifts that I had.  During that retreat in the jungle I came face to face with my self for the first time and truly tapped into my emotions. Before that I was extremely numb to the point where I forgot how to express my sadness and my anger. 

When I spent that week shedding tears and knowing more about myself… I felt 100x lighter. I found what it was like to LOVE people again and look beyond the human roles that they played in my life.  I discovered deeper truths that this world had to offer me.  I discovered what a true intimate connection was… and how our society is STARVED from connection.  

I went from having a perfect credit score, a decent savings account, stocks, retirement fund,  a stable relationship… to the world stripping me completely naked. I remember that week in the jungle my mentor telling me “If you want to experience abundance of wealth you have to be OK with having NOTHING at all”.  I tried to exercise that through my mind over and over again but it continuously scared the hell of me. I thought my credit score and my savings account was my source of safety. 

As I took the leap into my purpose I started to lose everything.  I spent my entire savings and investments… my credit got fucked up beyond recognition… I lived through financial turmoil where I thought I wasn’t going to make it.  My woman walked out on me and had an affair with another man…. what the fuck? 

I realized as I stepped into a new life… what I felt was security and safety was totally wrong. By going deep spiritually… there was definitely moments of going through turbulence…  but after the turbulence I realized the lesson. The lesson was that even when I do have nothing I could be totally fine. For some reason when all my biggest fears happened… I STILL SURVIVED.  Like a mother bird pushing her babies out of the next teaching them to fly. It’s scary as hell and sometimes you don’t feel safe… but as you’re falling from the next you learn how to spread your wings and fly.  The world stripped me naked but it was a gift… it was for me to realize how powerful I am as an individual.

Spirituality and FAITH is what kept me going. To be honest with you I’m not strict with my beliefs… I don’t think some ridiculous shit that there’s a man in the sky. Even when I say “God” I don’t even know if it’s the proper thing to address some of the laws that happen in this Universe. Perhaps I’d be an ass if I tried to go around and tell everybody how the world ACTUALLY works. All I know is that there is an unexplainable power & I have experienced way too many miracles to say that it’s a coincidence.  

It’s not my job to tell people their beliefs or what’s right or what’s wrong.  Nobody has to fear about going to HELL because of what they believe in…  but I do know there’s deeper truths that very few people are tapping into.  Spirituality to me is knowing yourself more… and knowing your capacity to expand beyond the basic human capabilities we’re made to believe we had. Spirituality is realizing you’re a creator and you can fully design your life if you face into the programming and fears. I learned that life is less about learning… but more about unlearning so we can get back to the essence of who we are.  

When I saw the essence of who I am and those around me… I’ve been able to come from a place of Love & Power. Not only that but TRUE Safety, TRUE Security and TRUE Freedom.  We’ve been conditioned to latch onto these external things to provide us this…  yet it’s all within us this whole time. We are always taken care of by the higher versions of ourselves.  

I worried about paying my bills only to receive all the money I needed on the due date. 
I feared losing relationships only to see a light at the end of the tunnel afterwards. 
I saw the world crumble around me wondering how I’d survive only for strange miracles to come into my life. 

We’re always being looked after.  Belief and Faith that there’s something out there beyond the practical world is a requirement if you want to succeed at a high level.  You can’t get through the resistance and the scary times without it.  Because the real world is not what we see outside of us… the REAL WORLD is what is going on internally when we tune in and mediate.
Brandon Marshall Brandon Marshall Havener is a self proclaimed Spiritual SmartAss. He helps high level entreprenuers attract the relationship they desire without settle or sacrifice. He is a best selling author with the book titled ” Man of Excellence” where he dove deep into the inner game of dating for male entreprenuers… leaving no stone un turned. Brandon now works with both men and women with the deeper inner work where many people may have blind spots to what is truly blocking them experiencing True Love.

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