This is a story of when I first discovered the deep magnetic charisma within…. And it’s what will help you become a pure natural at dating even if you had a very socially awkward past. ..
“Uncle Brandon can you read us a bedtime story???”
Here we go…. Once Upon A Time Not Long Ago… (it’s a Slick Rick reference if you’re an ultra millennial and don’t listen to hip hop)
When I was first learning how to drink legally at the age of 21, I was also learning something else that was very important to me in my life. This was how to go from an awkward Ginger Fuck who got sweaty palms every time he talked to women… to a man who could naturally spark up a conversation with women and leave them wanting more.
I had plenty of excuses I could have took ownership for.
What woman would want to date a pale guy who doesn’t have 6 pack abs?
What if she see’s my average sized penis and laughs at me?
What if I’m unattractive because I have this weird random patch of hair on my back?
What if I’m undateable because I have big ass freckles on my shoulders from the time that my Grandmother accidently put tanning oil on me instead of sunblock that one summer of 92 or 93 or some shit. (fuck I don’t know what summer it was I barely remember it). But this was way before Al Gore made an announcement that Global Warming existed.
What if I don’t know the right things to say?
What if I do manage to date a hot sexy attractive woman but she slips out of my arms because of all the sunblock and sweat on my palms?
So many different stories I could have bought into, but I knew somewhere that I was worth more and I could improve this area of my life.
By the time I was 21 years old I spent about a year and a half learning body language, openers for approaching women, the Do’s and Don’t’s of dating, Sexual Communication and all types of assortment of things that I learned from dating courses.
At the time I haven’t yet found the success I was looking for… but I was about to go on a trip to the beach with some friends. They were all in relationships … except one girl that was going with us, but I already had fucked up my chances with her.. Because she was instantly repulsed by my personality.
Well good thing we weren’t in a Small Village and my entire chances of passing on my Lineage was depended on the fate of me and this young woman… because I would’ve been fucked (not literally though).
She really messed up though.. Because the guy she was hanging out with that week was only using her for free handjobs. I was an asshole back then but at the very least I would have bought her dinner and flowers or some shit.
I digress.. So this week long vacation I felt would be the perfect opportunity to work on my game. I was single… I could go out on my own… it was great!
I was also 21! So I can get drunk and mask all my fears so women would be dying to sleep with me!
Well the drunk plan didn’t workout too well. Women were actually very frightened by the drunk ass version of me. I probably triggered a lot of repressed memories of their drunk uncles when they would visit for Thanksgiving Dinner rather than the knight in shining armor they were looking for.
Because the truth is… when you’re drunk you only have a small window to tap into that magnetizing fun version of yourself. If you’re buzzed you might be able to harness it… but if you drink 1 drink too many you become a sloppy bumbling mess.
After about 3 nights of drinking and failing miserably with women. Having my friends laugh at me for having no game, and desperately staying up until 3AM trying to get some action with nothing to show for it…
I had the epiphany midway through the week to stop drinking. In fact it was such a pleasant surprise to all the people I was hanging out with, even the handjob girl that despised me was seeing a different side of me. Maybe my family in the village wouldn’t be doomed after all.
I was being kind to other people…
I was cleaning up after myself…
I was having meaningful conversations…
It was great. If you really want to go deep with this.. I decided to LOVE MYSELF more and not cling to the lower frequency of being drunk off my ass. Seriously I didn’t know it was that deep of a lesson back when I was 21.
One night me and my friends went out to eat. After eating a huge meal we took a walk out onto the boardwalk. And a Seagull fucking shit on me.
It was a defining moment, I don’t know what it was about that Seagull shitting on my shoulder.. But it brought out this wave of confidence in me.
All of a sudden I wasn’t taking life so damn seriously. I reached this level of Not Giving A Fuck that I never had before.
I was approaching everybody.. Just saying the first thing that came to my mind. Even telling some people how a Seagull just shit on me. Usually what I had to say was pretty funny because there was no filter.
I even jumped in the middle of a street performer’s act and we did some incredible improv together. He thanked me for interrupting his show… seriously it was such an asshole move but I pulled it off perfectly. I was in the fucking zone.
My friends could see this too… they were saying to each other “I hope he uses this power for good because he could literally be a dictator with this power of influence”
They had a good point because somehow I had quite a few people following me and chanting with me. For no apparent reason what-so-ever. I was just allowing my unfiltered personality to shine.
Later that night I was riding off that same energy I had. I decided to go to a lounge that I previously failed miserably at.
I made a declaration that I wouldn’t drink at all. With this declaration I of course had the limiting belief or whatever you may call it… that people would think it’s weird that I am hanging out without a drink.
Maybe they’ll think I’m a cheap fuck?
Maybe they’ll think I’m a weirdo?
I definitely wasn’t going to drink that night in fear of what people may think about me, but to kind of “fit in” (which I didn’t at all)… I decided to buy cranberry juice and pretend it was cranberry & Vodka.
During the whole night I was just allowing the inspiration and creativity to come through. To see how much attention I could build up.
I would walk up to people’s table and just sit there. I would receive strange looks from people then I would bail myself out by saying funny and ridiculous shit. When the conversations would get really good, I’d leave for another group of people.
I approached one woman walking in and she had a flow in her hair (it was probably a fake flower.. Well who gives a fuck why am I even mentioning if the flower is fake or not) . I got her attention by lightly grabbing the flower in her hair… her initial reaction was “what the fuck are you doing?”
I looked her up and down and smiled at her. Didn’t say a word… 93% of our communication is nonverbal anyway. Fuck pick up lines.
I think we exchanged names and she just decided to give me her phone number. We didn’t really talk much at all.
The rest of the night I still refrained from drinking. I must have met everybody in the damn place.. I was dancing my ass off having a great time. By the end of the night I did have a shot of Patron.. That a woman bought for me.
Get this shit… most men try to impress women by buying them drinks, a woman ended up buying me a shot.. Because she challenged me to a drinking contest. She only lasted one drink because she was fucking drunk… and I was totally sober.
By the end of the night I had people surrounding me trying to get my attention, everybody knew me by first name. I was just some normal 21 year old ginger fuck and I was being treated like a celebrity.
Guys were even asking me what the hell did I do… they were trying to figure out what in the world was going on.
I remember even walking to the car and some woman jumping on my back in the most random fashion. And leaving either scratches or bite-marks on my shoulder. She was saying she was a velociraptor acting like a lunatic. It was great.
From that day forward I learned how to effortlessly not only attract women but being a magnetizing person that people wanted to be around.
Since the day I was able to say goodbye to the friend zone once in for all… because I no longer was attached to one woman hopelessly wishing she would accept me.
Everywhere I went I became the life of the party, even if it was just working at one of my dead end jobs at the time. Which is a crazy shift I made because I was always an introvert.
And if I didn’t have that epiphany I would never be in the relationship I’m in now. Nor would I be able to keep it interesting.
This magnetism is something that we all have within us, and it’s really more about UN-LEARNING rather than learning.
Unlearning the programming from our parents to not talk to strangers.
Unlearning from society to play it safe in conversations like “how’s the motherfucking weather?”
Unlearning some of the rules that are deemed “inappropriate”
Maybe even Unlearning some of the dating tactics you read up online. Unlearning the idea the human beings are this linear step by step combination lock.
This is being in a place where you’re just having fun with no attachment to the outcome. I just stopped concerning myself if people liked me or not… knowing that if somebody didn’t like me, so the fuck what? There’s plenty of people in this crazy world that will absolutely love me.
Which is also having the awareness to realize most of our fears are bullshit. Our lizard brain might be telling us “if this person *rejects* me it means I’ll be casted out of our tribe and get eaten by fucking lions”
When in actuality, you’re already at a “NO” so why not try to shoot for the “YES” with no attachment?
The essence of not giving a fuck is so magnetizing, because everybody wants to be in that flow state, and by being around you… they may not be able to define what it is… but they get a little taste of being in that amazing state.
How can you pattern interrupt somebody today?
How can you be that person who can distract people from the drudgery of boring everyday life?
How can you be an entertaining fun ass person to be around?
You don’t need to be a professional comedian. All you need to do is to LET GO. And if you need permission to be that crazy version of you that’s been locked up inside… well fuck, you have my permission.
Because it’s really not about perfectly wording anything….
It’s more about the ENERGY you bring to your interactions.
If you bring high vibe energy.. You can mess up every fucking word if you want to and laugh about it.
What if there was no way to mess up?
Then… you would have the creative freedom to mold your conversations to pure magnificence. And not only would you be a complete badass when it came to dating, you would be a complete badass PERIOD, regardless of what you’re doing.
When you allow yourself to BE YOU, regardless of what people think (even your closest family). Then you can attract the relationships that you truly desire because you’re not doing it from a fake social mask.
Will some people crucify you for it?
But would you rather be accepted by people who only love you for being the “safe” version of you… and always feeling sad, miserable and out of alignment?
Or would you rather shine brilliantly, attract the people who LOVE YOU for you are, attract a badass epic relationship from total alignment…
but having the people who didn’t love you for who you are at the core be a bit triggered by you?
The choice is yours…
But I can tell you, the first example is sooo much more fun and fulfilling!
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Brandon Marshall Havener is a self proclaimed Spiritual SmartAss. He helps high level entreprenuers attract the relationship they desire without settle or sacrifice. He is a best selling author with the book titled ” Man of Excellence” where he dove deep into the inner game of dating for male entreprenuers… leaving no stone un turned.
Brandon now works with both men and women with the deeper inner work where many people may have blind spots to what is truly blocking them experiencing True Love.