Learn to know the difference and thrive.
Narcissists have been getting a misunderstood bad rep. They have been confused with what I call power-driven Arsessists.
The definition of Narcissism is… “the pursuit of personal gratification from vanity or personal egotistic admiration of one’s own attributes”.
The term originated from Greek mythology, where Narcissus, a young man so proud of himself that he disdained those who loved him. When his friend Nemesis noticed his behaviour he led Narcissus to a pool of water, and when Narcissus saw his own reflection in the water he fell in love with it. Not realizing it was merely an image he was unable to leave the beauty of his reflection and he stared at it until he died.
Narcisissts, overall are harmless but can be annoying and unlikable because they are just in love with themselves and disdain friends and family. Great examples of contemporary Narcissists are Gay comedians Julian Clary, Joel Creasy, Boy George, the Kardashians, Paris Hilton, Madonna and many more.
But there is a bigger group of people who have been mistakenly labelled as Narcissists, when they are not. This group seeks to manipulate family, friends and lovers for their own amusement, gratification, validation and control. I call these people…
My definition of Arsessism is, “The pursuit of personal power and domination of others through charisma, charm and use of control dramas.
The term derives from combining Narcissism with Arsehole to arrive at Arsessism, a perfect description of a bunch of people who are just plain nasty. They can be charming and attractive but shallow and full of self importance and they will weasel their way into your life only to draw more attention to themselves by becoming manipulative and abusive.
They are masters in the use of the Four Control Dramas.
For those not familiar with the Four Dramas, they were created by author James Redfield to describe the flow of energy in human interactions.
According to Eastern teachings energy levels in humans are weak compared to the absolute energies available in the Universe. When we tap in to this Universal energy, our Chi – or our level of quantum energy – is raised to a level that resolves our existential insecurity. When we don’t, we then boost our weak energy  by taking energy from other people with Control Dramas.
Here’s a simple explanation of the Dramas. When two people interact, their attention is to one another, and their energy fields merge . Whoever dominates the other to defer to their point of view, has captured both energies as their own. This gives that individual a sense of power, might, inflated self-worth, and euphoria.
While the other person feels dejected, anxious, and drained of energy.
The 4 Control Dramas meme
Coaches have a saying Where attention goes, energy flows, and for good reason. The four Dramas are…

  • The Aloofness  Drama
  • The Poor Me Drama
  • The Interrogator Drama
  • The Intimidater Drama.

Arsessists (can be male or female) are masters at using these dramas and are usually represented by…

  • The aloof sulking teenagers and young adults (not exclusive)
  • The poor me hypochondriacs and victims
  • The interrogator blaming parents/siblings/spouses/partners/friends
  • The intimidating violent (aggressive and passive) spouses/partners/bosses/authority figures/doctors/priests/chefs/sport coaches.

Everyone has been in contact with an Arsessist at some time in their life or eventually will be.
Arsessists are not in love with their own physical attributes, or high perception of self. They come from a place of fear that they are not lovable and so they seek to dominate and impose control by demanding that others love them through constant attention and imposition of their power over people in their lives.
This group is often mistakenly referred to as being Narcissists, which they clearly are not. These people are not in love with themselves. Quite the opposite. They do not love themselves, lack self esteem, and manipulate others to love them by controlling them with charm, lies, deceptions and dramas that focuses attention on them.
The worst type of Arsessists are those who are also Narcissists. Most of them are in positions of great power and wreck havoc beyond their immediate circle of influence. There are no better classic examples of these type of Arsessists than Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong-Un. All were/are totally engaged with their physical appearance. Their unique coiffured hairstyles, the constant tanning and preening, the length of tie and uniforms, the bragging and the obsession with dominating and controlling everyone involved with them and beyond by using every control drama available to them, particularly the Intimidator Drama.
Arsessists can be charming and charismatic and easy to fall in love with but emotionally, they are highly toxic people and learning to identify them will make your life so much easier to live.
The Four Dramas is a key component of our “Clearing Old Baggage – Picking Up New Luggage” program. If you want to know more contact The EX-perienced Bachelor at john@the-ex-periencedbachelor.com.au
John C. Cirak the founnder of The EX-perienced and the go-to coach for divorced men and women who want to improve their social and dating skills. www.the-EX-periencedbachelor.com

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