No one is ever really prepared for it and it can be one of the hardest times in your life, on an emotional level, plus the finances and most importantly the kids. However, there is always a flip side to any situation.
You have to want to see it though and you have to do the work and learn and grow to really have a fulfilling life afterwards. So, how the f*ck do you really do that? Starting again seems like hard work, I get, I have been through alot in my 5 years since my marriage ended. I have also spoken to 1000’s of women, replied to hundreds of emails and read countless Facebook threads. Many people, yes, Men and Women are emotionally drained and exhausted. Then there’s those who put on a facade of ‘happy even after’. Me included in all the above.
We are human afterall. Sure, you’re going to have to start over again financially, getting used to one wage and everything that goes with your lifestyle. I am not a financial expert so reach out to someone who is, who can help you with rebuilding your wealth.
What I do know is people and the emotional challenges we face, that can sometimes be the hardest to deal with, and your lawyer cant help you with this and neither can your financial expert. You may even think you dont need to do anything after the paperwork is sorted and signed. Jump into another relationship maybe or find a different distraction. Did you know that second marriage divorce rates are higher than the first marriage ending?
Wonder why….. Ladies, this is mostly for you because you are the majority of who I work with and well, being a chick gives me a pretty good idea of how to start over, redefine who you are and get busy living an amazing new chapter in your life, as a confident and empowered version of YOU!! Now, all that said, onto the good stuff!
- GET IN TOUCH WOO WOO No that is not a place, but your spiritual side. Meditation became part of my daily rituals and has now for the last 5 years. The benefits are endless but the science backs up the research so check out this article from my teacher http://morningtonmeditation.com.au/tag/stressrelief/
- FUN Get out there into the big wide world, not the www, get into real life and do stuff. Stuff that lights you up, get creative, do something you’ve always wanted to, like take a karate lesson or jump out of a plane, whatever rocks your socks. There’s been enough seriousness in your life, so it is time to be more playful.
- LOVE Yourself! Go on a journey of self discovery and figure out who you really are. What goals you want to set and raise your standards to achieve them. Also know, that when you have kids with someone else, showing them love for being half of your child is a much nicer feel than being bitter and resentful. Show yourself love, get a massage, mani pedi, buy a vibrator, take yourself out on a date. The choice is yours.
- PEOPLE Surround yourself with great people. No the kind who want to focus on drama or bitch about your ex or theirs. I know, I know, we all have to do a bit of a vent or rant when we need. Ladies, you need to do this with your girlfriends, because that’s how us women work. Limit the time you do this for though, and then change the focus.
- BE SOCIAL Get out there and mingle as a new single, perhaps not quite how the movie of ‘How To Be Single’ goes … although some nights like this is pretty normal these days. Get amoungst people whether it’s at a cafe, bar or festival, whether it is taking up a new hobby or tasting a paddle at your local micro brewery, get out there, and do life.
- THE DO OVER Get a make over. Maybe it is a new hairdo, new bright lippy or a pair of shoes (shoes are always our friend). Do something that signifies this new chapter in your life. Take yourself on a solo holiday to an amazing health retreat to zen out, find some peace and harmony. Go party in Las Vegas for a week.
- WORK Now I dont mean your job, I could and you could set yourself a goal at work to really focus on and be present when you are there. What I mean is do THE SELF WORK you can look for distractions all over the place, at the bottom of an espresso martini, swipe right to some hot Tinder guy, whatever takes your fancy to distract you from what is below the surface. You may think there’s no pain, no resentment, that you have moved on, but until you’ve really dealt with how you are truly feeling, there’s a fair chance youre pretending to be happy on the outside. Sure, it may piss you off at first and you may cry enough to fill a bath tub (that’s what my coach said to me!) but FFS, when you let go of the ‘stuff’ what a relief and the weight that is lifted off your shoulders, mmmm what a feeling. This is when others look at you differently, this is when you can truly smile and radiate. THIS IS THE GOLD, this is FREEDOM and this is HAPPY. Then, allow me to introduce you to the real you.
Ultimately, the choice is yours and only yours to make. Sure, it may feel a little uncomfortable, but that is the feeling you want, because that is your inner voice, your intuition telling you to do whatever you are resisting most. So my question to you is, where will you start?
Founder of Divorce Go To Girl and Coach