Q: Casual sex or meaningful relationship?
I met a guy online. Went on two dates. In between dates, we rarely kept in touch, only to set up and confirm time and location (done by him). Third date he asked me over to watch a movie. We ended up having sex. When I was leaving in the morning he gave me a book that I really liked. Again, he kept in touch but not every day. He also set up the next date and I went over again to his place. Had breakfast in the morning. Few days afterwards, I asked him (via text) what he was looking for. He said he thinks there was chemistry between us, so we should see where it goes. And he also said he wasn’t looking for anything casual. When I didn’t hear from him in the next two days, I ended things. Two weeks later, he contacted me, apologized for being distant and not keeping in touch (he was working on his PhD paper) and asks me if I would give him another chance and have dinner with him.
Is it possible he is honest and want something serious? Should I go out with him?
A: Possible meaning relationship
Dear Jess, when it comes to responding messages, women tend to respond to messages immediately, and in turn think men should be the same. Hence they often classify men as disrespectful if they don’t. Just because you haven’t heard from him in a while doesn’t mean he is not interested at all.
Men generally deal with one issue/decision at a time and if there is something distracting him, it could take weeks before he responds. This just signifies the difference in the way men and women communicate.
He gave you a book which you really liked, represents that you are more to him then a quick bootie call so drop the ego (i.e. fear of rejection) and definitely give it another whirl. You never know where it might take you. Even if this doesn’t work out, you’ll learn something from it.
Q: Caught In A Cheating Trap. Help!
I am unhappily married for two years to an emotionally abusive man and have been having an affair for a year with a married man that I used to work with. Lately he’s been real controlling saying he wants me to obey him and he wants to own me. He has kids and married and doesn’t seem to be leaving them in the future. I’m thinking about getting a divorce soon and he says when I’m alone things will be different between us. I am just wondering if he is using me since we don’t see much of each other. We normally just sext and send pictures and one possible meet up but never in public. I’m trying to get him out of my head but I am in love with him. Even though he says he loves me I’m not sure what his real feelings are. Feel Like a fool that I even started this.
A: Wake up before it’s too late
So you want to go from an emotionally abusive relationship to a controlling relationship with a married man who tells you that things will be different once you are divorce? You know deep down that things won’t be different even when you are divorced. He will keep treating you like this as he has no intention of leaving his family.
If your marriage is intolerable, then end it. Have some respect for yourself, take some time to get your life together. The reality is, you are the common denominator of all the men you attract, hence if you are not willing to change yourself, you’ll keep attracting the same type of men in your life (abusive, aggressive, controlling etc.). Realise that you deserve more than this and the only way to get out of this trap is to focus on you.